Chapter 1: 3 Things You Can Do When You Have None
Self-confidence is one of the keys to achieving success - you hear that everywhere.
Most people think self-confidence is a result of success, but it's actually an ingredient of success.
How do you gain self-confidence so you can attract the success you seek?
1. Fake it!
Though it sounds ridiculous, faking confidence when you have none will actually give you some! Self-confidence is a perception held by you and others.
If you act self-confident whether you feel it or not, others will perceive you as self-confident and be more willing to follow your lead, take you seriously and listen to what you have to say.
It's the great paradox where confidence is concerned, almost a "which comes first, the chicken or the egg" situation.
Have a little faith in yourself and soon you won't have to fake it anymore.
2. Take risks.
There's no need to fake confidence if you live each day like the day before.
All of that is known territory - you've been there, done that.
The most direct route to self-confidence is to take calculated risks and examine your results.
Will you make mistakes? Absolutely, but those mistakes contribute as much to growing your self-confidence as your victories, particularly if you resist the urge to use them to beat yourself up.
No one gets it right every single time and to require that from yourself is self-sabotage at its best.
Start with small steps outside of your comfort zone and build your confidence step by step.
3. Stop doubting yourself by default.
We all have that little voice of doubt inside our heads.
The trick is to learn when to pay attention to it and when to ignore it.
I am a firm believer in "following your gut" and I've had to learn the difference between intuition and self-doubt.
For me, what works best is to listen to what that doubting voice is actually saying.
If its message is mainly lack of belief in your ability or your deservedness, then ignore it and forge ahead.
As you gain self-confidence, you'll hear from that little voice of doubt less and less often. The dictionary defines self-confidence as confidence in oneself and in one's powers and abilities without any suggestion of conceit or arrogance.
This is exactly what you gain when you fake it, take risks and stop letting doubt control your next move.
Chapter 2: Accomplish Great Things In Your Life
From this moment on, choose not to let your past dictate your future.
What is gone is gone - forever.
Now is the time to move on, to do and become what you want: to be the best in any area that you choose, so you may design your own destiny. Here are a few helpful suggestions that you may take on board, and below you will find a couple of simple tips that can quickly move you in the direction of manifesting your destiny to accomplish many great things in your life. To join ranks with the most successful people in the field of your choice, or merely to achieve your dreams quietly, for yourself, you will need to take the journey toward a better more enlightened future; toward a more empowered and motivated you, toward a life that you will design and achieve.
You will live your life as you want it.
And you will become that person you have been dreaming of becoming. Invest in life - in your life.
No more wavering dreams, staring out the window and wishing and hoping.
No more sleepless nights worrying about your future as you only see where you are now. This time it is for real.
What you are dreaming of will happen, and in abundance.
From today, you will move forward in your life in a dramatic way.
You will do what is required of you to accomplish your daily goals, big and small, and you will always expect to succeed at everything you do. Embrace your unlimited power and build a life of excellence.
Success is your one and only option.
Fill all of your days with accomplishments, no matter how small you may think they are.
It is important, at this point, to realise that most successes stem from your ability to feel certain that you can set out to achieve what it is that you desire - to accomplish great things in your life.
And for you to feel certain, you need to become confident. One of the principle prerequisites to achieving almost anything in life is confidence.
Confidence is an indispensable requirement to your success and further development or betterment, be it for your personal or professional needs.
Confidence is the doorway to success and fulfilment.
With confidence you will have the courage, strength and motivation to tackle and overcome all life's setbacks and challenges. The great news is that confidence is a learned skill, and anyone can learn the skills to having awesome and unstoppable confidence. As promised, here are just a couple of confidence tips that I believe are easy to do and are extremely effective.
By repeating the simple tips daily, they will retrain your thinking and become an automatic part of your new successful and confident habit.
They will become your new way of life. Challenge your thoughts that have been holding you back and stretch your mind to raise your limits to unlimited heights.
At the end of each day, put yourself into a confident and resourceful state of mind by jotting down in your diary or daily journal, all of the day's achievements, no matter how small. Benefit: The mere act of writing them down reinforces the idea of success and confidence.
It is extremely beneficial and motivating for you to feel the successes from deep within so your mind acknowledges them as confident achievements. Just before going to bed, conceive and initiate your ideal day.
Once you have gone through your diary and planned your next day, sit back and take a few minutes to imagine and visualise the entire day, from beginning to end.
See it unfolding exactly how you would want it to be, in every situation.
Feel the confident emotions that come from success, with the feeling that you have accomplished all that you wanted. Benefit: When you go to sleep, your unconscious mind will work all night on ways to bring about that which you have just visualised. Truly make it your destiny to accomplish many great things in your lifetime by adopting a vital ingredient to success, and that is confidence.
With confidence you discard worry, hesitation and fear.
With confidence you rise above challenges and failures.
With confidence you have unlimited motivation and unrelenting persistence. Do not underestimate the immense power of confidence.
Go ahead, reap the rewards and accomplish many great things in your lifetime.
Chapter 3: Achieving Your Dreams
If there's one thing constant in both our life's, it's that they are always changing.
But what are they changing to and do we REALLY like it? You may agree with me, that as a human being, we can both be prone to resisting change.
We often like to stay in our comfort zones and can be reluctant to take a risk, even when they're needed and would improve our personal and professional lives. In our business and our personal time, how often do we think, believe, and feel that we should undertake a change, but neglect the opportunity to do so? Two Hours - Three Opportunities Just this morning, in the two hours before I sat down to write this for you, I've had the opportunities to continue to earn the same amount of money or make more, increase or decrease someone else's abundance, and accept or decline an offer that could lead to me realizing a dream I've had for five years. In truth, I probably had more opportunities than that, but these were the ones I noticed.
I suspect if you paused and took note of what's been happening to you today, your day has been no different to mine.
The reason why most people don't change things is that they don't fancy the 'doing' part.
We analyze, study and mull it over to death.
In fact we spend so much time preparing to change, that you'd actually think we prefer the preparation more than dream we have in our heads.
But that's really not the case.
We both know that. How we Can Work Together If we agreed that you'd take action on any one thing you choose, we'd both know you were on the move to creating the dream you have in your head.
Of course, the goal you have might still seem miles away.
But with every action you take brings your goal closer. When I began my business just over two years ago, I did it because I wanted to see positive change.
I felt that you, me and everyone else in the world has the potential to master any area of their life.
My belief in your capabilities hasn't changed.
I still believe in you.
I still believe you can achieve all the things your heart desires.
But sometimes we just don't know where to start. Say, for example, you're having trouble with money, never getting ahead or are in debt, a good place to start your personal mastery is to read book about, getting in the flow of money.
If you're in business and want to attract more clients.
The action you could take is to go on a marketing workshop that helps you attract more clients or understand and create effective advertising. Let's Do Things Together Consistently Once we've taken the first step, you have to take a second.
Then it's just a case of taking consistent daily steps that are in line with what you want to achieve.
No matter what you choose to change, whether it's your image, you ability to use a computer or your weight you must take consistent steps.
As you do, your belief in what you are doing grows. If you feel impatient or frustrated by the fact your goal or dream just seems so far away, and you want to change the way that is, we both know you can change that.
But before you change it, there is one issue you might have to face: the 'Am I worth it?' issue.
You see, how many times do we see opportunities that could take us closer to our dream and then turn away saying, 'I can't afford that,' or 'That seems too much.' I know people feel like this because I see it everyday.
A person calls us and says, 'You do coaching?' Then they say, 'How much do you charge?' Immediately we hear these words we know the caller is really saying 'Are my dreams worth the cost?' or 'If I pay you this much, will I have to be committed to myself?' We've played with how much we charge for coaching, and we've done it deliberately.
And I've come to the conclusion that the price doesn't really matter. What matters is, how worthy a person feels. You see, I know - and I suspect you know this too - that neither you, nor I, can put a price on your dream.
And when we receive a call from someone saying, 'I have a dream I'd like you to help me achieve,' we know we can help them.
How do we know? We know we can help them because they are coming from the right place.
That place is not a place of 'lack' or limitation.
It is not a place of not being good enough, or not having the money.
It comes from a place of 'I WANT THIS.
I AM WORTHY.
I AM COMMITTED TO ME.' We're all moved by stories of people who have nothing but go onto greatness.
We love the hero's journey.
Books and movies are made of this stuff. The hero at some point always has to face his enemy.
Sometimes that enemy is the face that stares back at him from the mirror.
But every time, the hero says, 'Can we do this?' And every time the answer has to be yes.
But rather than escaping into a story, why not become the story? Why not become the hero? My challenge to you is to become the hero of your own life.
Learn to accept the opportunities before you and master the things that challenge you.
Chapter 4: Advantages of Being Confident
Almost all successes and attainments in life come from your ability to feel certain that you can accomplish what you set out to achieve.
Confidence is the gateway to success; to the life that you wish to lead and to the dreams that you desire to live. With confidence you can boldly progress towards your ambitions and aspirations.
With confidence you can rise up and handle life's demands and challenges.
You can tackle any hurdle and obstruction, and move on to the next step of your journey to fulfilment and achievement. One of the principle requirements to anything you want to do in your life is confidence.
Confidence is an indispensable part of your development, betterment, progress and success, both at a personal and professional level.
With confidence you can forge ahead to fulfil your potential and perform at your peak level. Having confidence is the crux that allows you to achieve your true potential in whatever situation; in your relationships, your work or career, your finances and your self-image.
Chapter 4: Advantages of Being Confident
When you experience a lack of confidence, it may stop you from striving for what you want.
This feeling of lack of confidence can be the root of many complications and hardships that block you from achieving your desires.
It can be like a large thorn that continually bursts the bubble of desire. There may have been times when you have felt a level of confidence when you were engaged in an activity that you were good at; such as driving a car, being a parent or managing your team.
At those times you would have displayed a high level of certainty, which is a form of confidence. However, there may have been other circumstances where you found that you felt less confident.
On these occasions, you would achieve a fraction of what is truly possible for you.
With determination and focus to pursue and gain confidence, you can develop the strength and fortitude to climb out of the depths of any circumstances, and take advantage of the opportunities and successes that lay ahead of you.
In the same way that you have learned to lack confidence, you can also learn to have unlimited confidence.
And the simplest and quickest way to kick-start the engines of your brain, is to know and accept that confidence can be an acquired process; it can be learned and formatted to suit all moments.
As your confidence increases, you can take a front row seat in mastering many areas of your life.
You will find that you become more and more comfortable and confident in multiple areas, including:
- Moving ahead in your career
- Starting your own business
- Embracing the risks of every day life
- Refusing to be held back by fear
- Creating circumstances rather than waiting for them
- Smiling more and enjoying life
- Dramatically improving your health
Successful and dynamic people have gained mastery on how to feel courageous and confident.
When you develop and build on your own confidence skills, you, too, will feel and become a different person.
You will feel much more enthusiastic, motivated and determined in every aspect of your life. Once you improve on the way you think and feel about yourself, your beliefs and your actions will follow.
You will confidently overcome the challenges that life thrusts upon you and you will manage them with new-found belief and faith in your capability to do so. As you become more confident you abandon worry, hesitation and, more importantly, you side-step fear.
The focus here is on your whole being, every part of you; your thoughts, the images in your mind, your emotions, and ultimately your behaviour and the actual outcomes in your life. Bear in mind that as you focus on change, change does begin to happen.
It is fun, motivating and very rewarding to feel and see yourself growing and improving and becoming more confident and effective day-by-day and week-by-week. There is great power in believing that you can succeed in your quest for greater confidence.
With awareness and consistency, this is attainable.
Your confidence can stretch beyond any measurable scale and further still, knowing no boundaries.
Just think what you can do with all the confidence that you can have!
Chapter 5: Are You Empowered At Work
"Professional women have made tremendous strides in terms of drawing on our strengths, abilities, and confidence in the workplace in recent years, but it's clear that we have a long way to go before we are using our female power with self-assurance and ease," says Kathy Caprino, MA, personal and professional coach, psychotherapist, and researcher of midlife professional women in transition.
Based on her national in-depth research study Women Overcoming Crisis: Finding New Meaning in Life and Work and work with hundreds of professional women each year, Caprino is finding that even high-level, high-achieving professional women report battling insecurity and discomfort in using their voices to lead powerfully and say "no" or "yes" when necessary.
Many professional women do not serve as their own advocate, nor do they experience feeling supported or mentored by other colleagues in the workplace.
They also reveal a reluctance to embrace new opportunities that may lead to greater advancement and leadership, particularly if the change in responsibility or focus takes them out of their comfort zone. Clearly, there is a palpable power differential experienced by women in the workplace, and the leadership styles of men and women remain widely divergent, contributing to gaps in understanding, acceptance, and trust.
In the end, Caprino's research participants report experiencing less than a rock-solid sense of empowerment and self-confidence in their work lives. These empowerment gaps that professional women experience can lead to personal and professional crisis, and a deep desire to transition away from the current professional track to a radically different one.
From her study, Caprino has identified no fewer than 14 common crises professional women face today, and has developed strategies and approaches aimed at helping women overcome these crises and reclaim the direction of their lives. How can women gain empowerment, and avoid professional crises altogether? Caprino has found the following approaches, suggested by research participants who have successfully reinvented their professional lives, to be very powerful:
1. Remember, you are a many-faceted individual.Your life is a mosaic. Your current job does not define who you are in this world. Let go of what isn't working.
Over-identification with any role in your life can lead to emotional difficulty and limitation.
You are more than your current job or professional identity.
If you don't like who you are at work or what you are focusing on, you need to either find ways to change your style or behavior to your liking, or find new work or a different workplace that allows you to be and to express who you truly are.
2. Stretch and grow at all times..say "yes" to new opportunities that excite you (even if they make you nervous)
Again, you are more than you think you are.
You possess a broader array of skills, strengths and capabilities than you are aware of at the moment.
If you are offered an opportunity that allows you to stretch in a new area, and this area feels exciting to you, go for it! The expansion you'll experience will allow new preferences and strengths to emerge.
Be committed to continually expanding your knowledge and skill base.
Move away from needing to be an expert at all times.
Have the courage to be a beginner again, and don't shy away from trying new things.
3. Get out of denial when things aren't working
Staying in the dark about what makes you unhappy only prolongs your suffering, and postpones the action that eventually must be taken.
Get hip to what isn't working in your life and work, and begin to create a meaningful action plan for addressing what needs to be changed, added, redirected, or released.
4. Don't let your ego make decisions for you
Make sure your ego doesn't lead you around by the nose.
Ego-based decisions are those that lead you to actions that simply inflate your ego and your sense of outward domination, power, control, and recognition.
Often these ego-based decisions point you in a direction that is not in line with what you are truly passionate about.
Integrate your ego perspective with your intuition, your higher thinking skills, and your understanding of what you value and appreciate.
Make decisions that reflect who you are and wish to be in life.
5. Let go of perfectionism and over-functioning
Many professional women in particular suffer from perfectionism and the need to over-function and over-control both their work lives and home lives.
In order to avoid the crisis of "things falling apart," we must move away from the need to be perfect and the need to do everything ourselves.
Start empowering all others in your life (your spouse, children, friends, parents, colleagues, employees, and others) so that they may gain a greater sense of their own independence, self-reliance, self-confidence, achievement and productivity, and can oversee and execute appropriately what is theirs to handle.
Let go of what isn't yours to manage.
6. "Always go where the energy is."
Start tuning into your energy level and energetic guidance.
Expand your focus on all those projects, people, or endeavors in your work life (and personal life) that give you a lift in positive energy.
On the other hand, activities, people, and roles that deplete your energy just thinking about them are to be avoided.
Follow your energy.
7. Know your passions and talents, and find work that emphasizes them
So many professionals (women and men alike) haven't taken time to understand what they are passionate about in life - those endeavors that bring joy and positive energy.
This is an essential step to take to avoid professional crisis.
Discover and identify specifically what stimulates you, know what you are uniquely talented at and excited about, and move toward these endeavors.
Find new ways to bring them forth in your personal and professional life wherever possible.
8. Decide what your life outside of work needs to encompass
In order to achieve essential work/life balance and be confident and strong personally and professionally, you must know what balance means to you.
Get as clear as possible about what your life outside of work needs to embody and express in order for you to live the life you desire.
Once you know, then your priorities will become clearer, which in turn allows you greater conscious control over how you manage your work life.
9. Realize your value. Don't underestimate yourself and be your own advocate. Believe in yourself and your potential.
According to many of the professional women studied, men seem to be more skilled overall in perceiving their own value and taking advantageous action based on an unwavering view of their current and potential contribution.
Women are in an earlier stage of development in their ability to embrace and express their worth and value in the workplace and at home.
Start by understanding and appreciating your own value.
Focus on speaking and acting from a rock-solid sense of self-worth.
If this is difficult for you, reach out to friends, family, and colleagues that you respect, admire, and trust, and ask them to tell you all about the strengths and talents they see in you.
Believe in yourself and understand the enormous power you have to positively impact your own life and the world around you.
10. Elicit outside support; gain new, unbiased and expansive perspectives
How do you identify clearly what has to change and how to change it? Get some unbiased help, which can come in many forms including an outside mentor, coach, a Mastermind group, career counselor if needed, or someone who has done what you wish to do who can provide beneficial guidance.
Helpful support is neutral, not biased, and aims to help you on your path (not someone else's) by providing fresh insights and perspectives on how you can draw on your vast potential to achieve what you desire.
11. Develop short- and long-term goals for all areas of your life. Act on these, and review your progress, continually
If you haven't already, it's time to sit down with a pad and outline both short- and long-term goals for your life and work that reflect who you are at your core, and what you wish your life to mean and contribute going forward.
Make your goals concrete, specific, behavioral and measurable, and don't limit yourself only to what you think is possible.
Develop goals that reflect your true potential, and what you dream you can do.
Once you commit these goals to paper, break them down into bite-sized, doable mini-steps, and begin to take action.
Revisit your steps and your goals regularly.
12. Be authentic to yourself.
Take positive, courageous action and use your voice in empowered ways, always.
Don't be afraid to put yourself forward. It's time to step up.
Trying to be someone else in the workplace simply doesn't work.
Do and say what is authentic and appropriate for you.
Develop an integrated style that embodies your values around leadership, authority, power, delegation, execution, relationship, and communication - a style that allows you to express who you are and what is important to you.
The more you do this, the more it will become immediately apparent if and when you need to make a change in your professional life. Employing these strategies regularly will not only help you avoid professional crisis altogether, but also bring you forward on a life-long path of professional and personal fulfillment, empowerment, confidence, and joy.
Chapter 6: Boost Your Self-Confidence
Whether you are looking for a new job or going on a first date, one of the most important characteristics that will stand you in good stead is your self-confidence.
Increase your self-confidence with these tactics to help you through interviews, meetings, and more.
1. Stop saying "should"
Don't make yourself feel guilty by thinking about the things that you should have done: if something is in the past, let it pass.
Fretting over it will not improve your situation.
Try using the word "could" instead of "should" for everything.
This way, your actions become your choices, and you are empowered to make decisions.
For instance, "I should mow the lawn," becomes "I could mow the lawn," which is a much more positive statement.
Instead of allowing your tasks to hold power over you, take power for yourself by actively choosing how to spend your time.
2. Don't focus on yourself
If you are stressed out in a public situation, consider how the other person must feel.
Go out of your way to make the other person feel comfortable, or introduce two people who haven't met.
Set yourself small tasks.
Just having a task to do will make you feel better. If you are alone and feeling anxious, take a few deep breaths.
You can try various techniques, from meditation to distraction to take your mind off of you.
3. Set realistic goals
Setting goals will help boost your self-confidence.
You want to set goals that are attainable.
Choose something that you can measure, rather than something that is hard to measure so this way you will have a way to chart your progress.
For instance, rather than saying "I will become an expert on the Victorian period," you could set yourself the task of reading the complete works of Jane Austen, or you could sign up for a course at the local university.
Chart your progress.
Keeping track of how you are doing will allow you to feel positive about yourself.
4. Surround yourself with positives
If there are things or places in your life that are bringing you down, avoid them.
If there are people in your life who are constantly negative, it might be time to reconsider your friendship with these people.
You want to surround yourself with people who are optimistic and caring, people who respect you and value you for who you are.
It is easier to be self-confident when you know you have a network of supportive people around you.
5. Stop being critical
Stop comparing yourself to others with self-criticism.
You will always find something that someone else is better at.
You are an individual, and unlike anyone else, so comparisons are moot.
Constant self-criticism can also turn into cattiness: to make yourself feel better you might point out flaws in other people.
Choosing to focus on your positive traits and on other people's positive traits will help you gain self-confidence.
6. Take the time you need
Take some time for yourself.
Perhaps painting your nails or polishing your shoes will make you feel that much more empowered.
Take the time to do small things that are often overlooked.
This time you spend will help you gain confidence. It is important to learn that you are worth making time for.
You will never be able to adequately care for another person until you care for yourself, so take time to unwind and relax.
7. Think positively
If you find yourself thinking negative or critical thoughts, think "cancel" or "delete." Your mind is like a computer, and you will be able to erase those negative thought patterns with practice.
Then, once you have pointedly erased that negative thought, replace it with a positive one.
If you were thinking "My thighs are too fat," say, "cancel" and then, "My thighs are growing thinner every day" or "I love my body just the way I am." Try saying these nice things to yourself in front of a mirror. Write down your best traits, abilities, and skills on a piece of paper.
Then when you are feeling down you can come back to this piece of paper to remember how wonderful you are.
You can also write down five or ten things that you are grateful for each day.
Remember how fortunate we are helps boost confidence because it helps surround us with the positivity that is required for true self-confidence.
Try visualization to help you with achieving your goals, and to help you think positively towards a sense of self-confidence.
8. Reprogram yourself
You might hold some beliefs which are limiting to you.
It is time to take these negative thoughts and replace them with positives, as outlined in the previous point.
Here are some thoughts you might need to re-think (literally!): "I can't do that," "I get scared easily," "They don't like me." Remember that even confident people get bummed out sometimes.
Having occasional periods of anxiety is completely natural.
9. Fake it...and Smile!
If you don't know how to truly be self-confident, then just pretend to be self-confident! Smile, too.
Just the act of smiling will release endorphins to the brain, which will eventually make you happy.
Acting confident will help build your confidence for when you truly are confident. Remember: you are going to be fine.
Start building your self-confidence today so that you can begin leading the lifestyle you deserve.
Chapter 7: Dealing With People
One of the many reasons why people lose confidence and power in dealing with people is because they are too overly concerned with what other people think.
They feel they won't be liked if they said what was on their mind.
What they are really saying is that they are trying to avoid conflict, when the conflict is the exact learning experience they need to provide the growth, knowledge and confidence for dealing with people in the first place. Conflict management or managing the conflict of ideas and thoughts between two or more people can be an incredible learning experience for everyone involved, so much information is revealed in these intense periods that if we can learn to keep our integrity in tack during these short bursts of emotion, common ground can be quickly found. However, if your confidence and power in dealing with people is somewhat watery at best, here are three tips to clarify your thinking and get you back on track.
1. What Do You Want Confidence And Power For?
We interact with different people on a daily basis, we need co-operation from these people because we know we cannot do it alone, we expect a certain amount of reciprocal behaviour to get to where we want to be, so it would be beneficial to know what our motives are for persuading people over to our way of thinking?
2. What Is Your Attitude Towards Conflict?
True self-confidence is developed from the act of carrying out a successful task that has an element of personal risk or challenge.
Confidence is also about disagreeing or saying no without feeling guilty in situations where we have strong opinions, to stand up for one-self so to speak.
So if someone violates your space in some way, do you take the courage or confidence to take responsibility for the situation and speak up or do you just 'let it go'...again?
3. Preparation Is The Key
One of the key secrets to real confident behaviour is preparation, look at the words you are habitually using and prepare your speech in advance.
Learn to be speak with authority, maybe even take a few singing lessons to develop vocal power.
Develop a mental picture of your successful self, speaking confidently with the desired outcome. Dealing with people effectively is a skill that can be learnt and developed over time, at some point, you will have to get started, you will have go up to someone and say your piece, even if you stand their dumb struck and your face turns crimson with embarrassment, the first step has to be taken.
If you feel nervous or shaky about doing this, you need to feel the fear and do it anyway, if its on your mind, the time will come when you will have to act, go in, do it with the expectation you are going to get it all wrong, but it is never as bad as you think it is going to be.
One thing is for sure, conflict is a learning experience, you will learn more about confidence in one session than a lifetime of reading books or articles on the subject. Remember, confidence is an attitude, a skill set that is learnt and developed through application, a state of mind that can be achieved through deliberate consistent actions.
You might be naturally shy or quiet and think real confidence is beyond you, but personal confidence can be one of your greatest assets.
Learn to believe in yourself and your abilities, it is not easy, you will only gain power and the mental toughness needed through struggle, there is no short cut.
You will only learn and grow through the challenge of getting started. Make no mistake, to act with deliberate intention and say what needs to be said will require consistent effort on your part, you must rehearse what needs to be said, like a musician performing a great song, they had to rehearse once upon a time.
Great speeches or monologues are not 'winged,' there is always great preparation that is goes unseen, which can give you the misconception of 'they were born that way', when this is in fact, far from the truth.
Chapter 8: Empowerment Comes From Giving
The holidays have been making me think about things that truly make me happy.
Appreciation of things that I value brings me happiness.
One thing I appreciate is my freedom.
I especially am grateful for my freedom in these days of trouble and uncertainty.
Our country is in a state of war.
We may choose to look away or forget it but the truth is we are at war with an enemy that can not be easily defined or easily seen.
We are not at war with Iraq.
It is a war against terrorism, and that includes many countries.
A major part of the war is being fought on Iraqi soil, but this war we are waging is with terrorists in Afghanistan, in Lebanon, In Israel, In Iran, In India, In Saudi Arabia, in Indonesia, in places too numerous to mention.
It is easy to become discouraged, especially if you have a son or daughter fighting in one of these countries.
But Instead of letting this war steal away my happiness and personal empowerment, I find encouragement in little victories I achieve every day, victories that satisfy my senses in some small way.
I remember Ayn Rand's words about achieving being tied to happiness.
She said: "Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of ones values." So I sprinkle little bits of happiness in my life by achieving things that satisfy my sense of values. For example, there is a bulletin board in my church that has among other things listed there, the addresses of men and women from our church serving in the armed forces.
I have my own boy serving in the army and what a nice idea to write to these boys from time to time to encourage them.
My own son tells me how encouraged he Is when he gets mail from the family.
What a way to make them and yourself happy at the same time..
You may not be Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt but have you considered adopting a child from one of these third world countries where children are starving to death and don't have homes or parents to care for them? This may not be for everyone but what a wonderful feeling it must be to be able to save a child from a terrible destiny by reaching out to help in some way.
If you can not adopt, have you thought about just contributing dollars to the cause.
My wife and I contribute 10% of our income to our church which uses those funds to help victims of war, weather, or some other natural disaster.
That is what that fund is for, and I am happy every Sunday when I get a chance to make a money offering to help these children in some way or another. Those are huge commitments and some of us may not be in a position to do that, but are there small things we can do to make the needy happy? Sure.
As with any gift, it is not the magnificence of the gift that brings joy to the receiver; it is the thought that counts.
So why not busy yourself with small things you can do.
Here is a list to start with:
- Call someone you know who is ill
- Call everyone in your family including those who you haven't in a while
- Write a poem and send it to someone you know that needs encouragement
- Send birthday cards to family
- Send birthday cards to friends and acquaintances and new people you have recently met
- Start a money collection for an injured coworker
- Pick up someone who needs a ride to the store, or church
- Help someone pack who is moving
- Visit someone who is sick
- Visit the elderly
- Visit widows and widowers
- Get children in your church involved with programs such as boy scouts, swimming, etc...
- Visit lonely people who you know
- Make a meal and give it to a sick one next door
The above are just some examples of how you can help the needy.
You may not be able to help someone in Indonesia get their freedom.
Then again your contributions towards that cause may help to accomplish that.
I myself prefer to see how my money is at work so I stick to local campaigns to help the needy except for my tithing money which I permit the church to use at its discretion.
There are plenty of local campaigns to go around where ever you live.
They are all around us; we don't have to go to a third world country to find them.
If happiness proceeds from an achievement of my values, as Rand said, then finding ways to give in my way is critically important to my happiness.
I believe that true happiness comes when you empower others.
Chapter 9 :Facing Your Fear
Fear is part of being on your growing edge. I'm not certain where this statement comes from.
I'd like to take credit for it, but I think someone much wiser than I am said this. Most people consider fear an emotion to be avoided at all costs.
Here, it is considered an indication of change and growth.
Could that really be? Let's break this statement down and see if it is true.
FEAR
Every human, and at least higher forms of all organisms, have felt fear.
It is an innate feeling and one that has allowed individuals to survive by moving them away from danger. Fear may not feel good, but it can be positive in that it can keep us away from harm.
There are physiological and psychological parts to fear and I'm sure we have all had them.
Sometimes they don't feel attached to anything happening in our lives and at other times they are very specific to the situation. When fear strikes, blood flows to the extremities, the legs and arms, preparing us to flee the dangerous situation.
There is a momentary freeze, that cold feeling that flows through the body, while the brain processes the information in front of it, determining what action, flight or fight, is more appropriate.
Hormones contribute to the reaction. Thoughts play a huge part in the development of fear and our reactions to it.
We play the worst case scenario in our heads and then our hearts begin to pump fast, our faces flush, perspiration begins, mouth dries, eyes widen, looking for the threat that may not be visible. Being on your Growing Edge What if you've been at the same job, same route to work, same schedule for the past five or ten years and you're becoming bored? You think there's more to life but you are not sure how to find it. Suppose you're going along your life's road and this year you are given a promotion to a job which calls for skills you haven't master, you also get marry, move to a new city, and get elected president of a service organization you've been a member of for some years. Now suppose you become aware that you need to hone skills that are unfamiliar to you .
You seek out a way to learn those skills.
You could read books, observe people you know who have those skills, seek out a mentor or a life or executive coach, use trial and error.
But in some way you target what you don't know and develop a way to learn it all.
Hard work ahead, but easier on the fear factor. These are three examples of being on the growing edge.
In the first example, growth hasn't happened for some time.
You've been comfortably living in the familiar, but after a time, this comfort level leads to dissatisfaction and a need to experience change. This is good.
It makes you want to grow.
It might lead to developing new work skills or even a new career.
Or seeking avocations that make "free" time more exciting.
No matter what, your choice is to stay bored, and safe, or take a chance, sometimes many chances, experience some fear, and grow. In example two, you can almost feel the frenzy of the life overextended, overwhelmed with change.
It's being on the growing edge in every area of one's life.
Not too many people will find this enjoyable or even livable.
Something would have to give.
Fear of change could easily take hold and become the most prominent emotion.
Blood pressure rising? I would think so, and temper, too. Stepping too far out on the growing edge can pose great risk of failure and can be just as bad in one's life as avoiding fear by staying within one's comfort zone. Example three, how to keep some comfort while moving out, taking risks, experiencing some invigorating fear.
Fear of the unknown is keep low and fear of failure is minimized.
Recognition that some fear will exist helps keep emotions in check. Fear is part of the growing edge So, yes, fear is part of the growing edge.
Just knowing that it is and that those who choose to grow experience fear helps keep it low enough to cope with it. But there are other ways to step into the growing edge, facing the fear but not focusing on it.
1) Often we have assumptions about what it will be like to move into the growing zone that are not based on fact and, indeed, are untrue and frightening. Discover what part is causing you to avoid moving and find out if it is real or just part of your imagination.
2) Re-label emotions. Fear and excitement are so similar that we often confuse the two and moving into the growing edge will have both emotions firing like crazy. Re-label some of the fear excitement and see if that rings true for you. Think how it is to be on a roller coaster. Fear and excitement, right? And you still got on.
3) Focus. You can choose to focus on the fear in starting a new, unfamiliar process, or you can focus on the process itself. The second will get you much closer to your goals.
4) Limit stepping into the growing edge to just one or two areas at a time. Growth takes time, energy, and perseverance. Expecting to make many changes at the same time will increase the need for these as well as the fear that is a part of change.
5) Don't diminish your accomplishments. I have worked with many people who, once they have accomplished the change, talk as if they have nothing to be proud of. They do, and so do you. It takes courage to face fear of the unknown and of things that can make you cringe, even if they hold you back. So be proud and aware of your accomplishments.
Chapter 10: Four Myths On Building Confidence
People who have self-confidence believe in themselves and feel that they are capable of achieving what they want in life, or dealing with any situation that they may have to face.
They have an aura of self-confidence and self-assurance, which is apparent to others.
People like to spend time with them; they feel comfortable and secure in their presence. In contrast, there are many people who are reasonably talented, but who lack self-confidence.
These people are victims of the several myths that surround self-confidence.
1. One of the foremost myths about self-confidence is that people are born with self-confidence.
It is a quality that cannot be acquired.
Nothing can be farther from truth.
Self-confidence, like other skills, can be built.
All that you need is right guidance and a belief in yourself.
2. There are others who blame their low self-confidence to their lack of good looks and poor upbringing.
They don't realize that self-confidence has nothing to do with their looks.
It is a reflection of one's confidence.
The only way they can overcome this myth is by learning to believe in themselves.
In fact, talent and self-confidence are not inter-related.
There are scores of talented actors and actresses who do very well in their professions but whose personal lives are torn by lack of self-confidence.
It may sound contradictory, but this is how life is. Talent can be an important component of self-confidence, but it is certainly not a substitute for self-confidence.
So, don't worry about lack of talent.
Harness the skills that you possess.
3. Another myth is that self-confidence is directly proportional to the recognition and praise that an individual gets in his or her life; the ones who are not so lucky wallow in self-pity.
Once again, there is little doubt that recognition and praise make you feel good about yourself, and boost your self-confidence. But you can't simply depend on the praise lavished by others.
You have to work hard to earn that praise, and you can do this only if you are self-confident.
The same applies to those who are not successful.
They, too, can earn praise if they work hard and win people's respect. Such people should look at children.
Children believe in themselves, and this gives them the self-confidence to try to do things they have never done before, be it learning how to cycle or how to swim. In fact, no child comes into the world knowing all the skills.
But it does not take long to teach children most of the basic skills.
Then, why should it be difficult for adults to learn new skills or brave new challenges?
4. Another myth is that only self-confident people can afford to take risks.
This again is not true.
In fact, self-confident people are more realistic about their capabilities.
They know what they can do, and what they can't do.
More importantly, they know how to deal with failures. In contrast, people who lack self-confidence are afraid of failure.
This fear prevents them from taking on new tasks.
They constantly pine for the approval of others, and when they don't get it they end up losing their self-confidence. What is apparent is the lack of understanding.
People must realize that self-confidence is a state of mind.
It is not dependent upon a person's beauty or looks.
It flows from a person's self-belief, and this belief can be built. All that a person needs to do is to debunk myths that self- confidence cannot be acquired or that self-confidence is a byproduct of exceptional knowledge, skills and luck.
Once they do so, they will find it easier to acquire the same magnetic powers that self-confident people have.
Chapter 11: Gaining Self Confidence To Succeed
Where does self confidence come from? How do we get it? Why don't I have it? The answer to all of these questions can be answered with one word - you! Self confidence starts with you, your perception of yourself, and what other people think about your actions or behavior. For some of us, a lack of self confidence only affects our high ambitions.
You might have always wanted to get up on stage, or to be a professional singer or actor for example.
Perhaps your life dream is to travel the world, visit different countries or cities, but you don't have the self confidence to do it.
For others, the problem of self confidence is much closer to home - in the office, business meetings, public speaking events or presentations. Self confidence issues affect most of us at some time, and we can usually find ways of getting around the problem.
Avoidance is one tactic we often use - if we can get out of an intimidating situation we'll make up excuses not to take part.
However, there are times when we can't get out of it, or we really don't want to.
If a lack of self confidence is preventing you from doing trying something new, or from succeeding in your working life, it's time to do something about it. The starting point in improving your self confidence is understanding what causes the problem.
Low self esteem, not believing in yourself or your ability, feeling inadequate compared to your colleagues or friends or maybe some kind of trauma from your childhood are all contributing factors.
By examining the reasons for your low self confidence, you're halfway there! Taking positive action to overcome your fears is the next step to help boost your self confidence.
A simple way to do this is by taking on small challenges.
You have allowed your brain to associate certain events or actions with fear, so you've already pre-empted the outcome of these situations.
By taking a small step towards conquering this, you'll find that the result is most likely not as bad as you think - in fact, you'll probably be surprised about how good you feel and your self confidence will instantly increase. When you've completed your first small challenge, congratulate yourself on achieving your aim.
A small reward can often help.
You're already on the right path to improving your self confidence, so you're ready to take it to the next level.
This doesn't need to be a huge task; you don't want to undo all the good work.
Building up your self confidence takes time, and while you might want to leap ahead, it can be a good idea to take things slowly at first.
Steadily increase the risks you're taking to get your self confidence to where you want to be.
Risk taking does not, of course, mean jumping off a bridge, but the perceived risk of something happening as a result of your actions is usually the biggest barrier with self confidence. Self confidence problems are common for most people, and there are excellent resources to learn to deal with these issues, but if you do have severe difficulty facing certain situations you should seek professional help.
Chapter 12: Get The Respect You Deserve
By all rights, your life should be pretty much perfect.
You have a wonderful family, good job, and almost everything you could want.
The problem is that you lack confidence and respect in yourself.
To you, it seems as if everything you touch is a disaster.
It may be that you feel as if you are getting too old, or you have gained too much weight.
Maybe you think you should be further in your career than you are.
It might be that you feel like you aren't a good mate or that you are an ineffective parent.
Regardless of how things look to the outside world, you know that something is missing from your earthly experience and only correcting it will allow you to have the fulfilling harmonious life you crave. You aren't alone.
Many people struggle with finding confidence and respect for themselves as well as getting it from others.
When used correctly Feng Shui can help.
Before you decide that this ancient philosophy is too new agey or isn't valid consider what it is actually all about.
The ideas and practice of Feng Shui make a great deal of sense when you learn more about them.
The idea is to create an environment conducive to balancing and harmonizing every aspect of your life.
By organizing your belongings, creating a clean environment, and carefully placing items and using colors, you can promote positive energy flow and improve all aspects of life.
In truth, confidence and respect are elements of each and every part of your life.
By improving the total picture, you can find confidence and inspire respect in others. Start with your home.
Object placement and color use in very important in Feng Shui.
Confidence and respect are easier to obtain in a warm, clean environment.
As long as consistent effort is being made, it really doesn't matter if you start your new Feng Shui lifestyle inside the house or in the yard and driveway. Beginning outside may help to promote respect from others more quickly though.
Even those who nothing of Feng Shui or who don't believe in its worth will be affected by a well maintained yard and welcoming plants.
Any outside repairs that need to be made are worth the time.
Not only will other people see the care you put into your home, but you will enjoy the sight of it and be proud of it too.
Pride is a wonderful way to build up your own feelings of self worth.
Once everything is in good working condition and clean, look to your landscaping.
Of course the season of the year will have bearing on what type of vegetation you are able to use, but Feng Shui transcends the seasons and there are options you can use anytime.
Wind chimes near the entrance to your home promote the flow of positive chi and draws helpful people to your home.
Always make use of that particular Feng Shui object. The entrance to a home is very important as well.
It should be welcoming, but set up to trap any negative energy that may come from family or guests who come into your home.
The use of mirrors can be very beneficial in setting up the type of environment you need to instill confidence and respect in yourself and others.
When you Feng Shui your home, you aren't only providing harmony and balance to your life, but also in the lives of anyone who lives with you. Part of confidence comes from knowing your family is stable and happy.
There is nothing more rewarding to the ego and a person's well being than knowing they are positively influencing their family.
With that in mind, take a look at your family or living room.
Be sure to include an object or picture of every member of the family representing something they enjoy doing or an interest of theirs.
This helps to promote unity and encourages the idea that while each one is individual, you all together are a family unit.
Water is a wonderful element to employ as well.
It represents growth and flowing energy.
If a water fountain isn't possible, try a picture of a waterfall or a small statue that depicts flowing water. Depending on the level of change you need, Feng Shui is a relatively simple, straight forward philosophy to use in your home and life.
With all aspects of your existence in harmony and alignment, the confidence and respect you desire will be easy to obtain.
Focus on the money and fame areas of your home will promote greater respect at work, while concentrating on the bedroom and family room will encourage a deeper, more profound relationship with your partner and children.
It all adds up to greater confidence and respect for yourself.
Others will quickly follow suit.
Chapter 13: How To Boost Your Confidence Immediately
Remember the quote by Eleanor Roosevelt? She once said that "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent".Actually grasping this concept alone will be your most valuable asset on your journey to confidence...remember it is a journey not a destination.Confidence is a key when it comes to success and reaching your goals.Also, you will find that if you build confidence in one area of your life suddenly you begin to become more confident in other areas.You have to remember you weren't born confident.We are a product of our environment and many of us have been pushed down and gone through amazingly difficult circumstances that have shaped our confidence levels.
So what does that mean...you're going to have to make a deliberate effort to develop your confidence, but it will be well worth it.
Tips on how to increase your confidence:
- Set goals you know you can reach.Remember Rome wasn't built in a day.
- Allow yourself to fail without it depleting your value and self worth. First of all, take the approach that we learn from our mistakes. Some of my best education has come for the school of hard knocks. I recently read a statistic that said the best baseball player hits around .350 - which means he misses 65-percent of the time.
- Acknowledge yourself.Focusing on your positive qualities.Remember no one is perfect...even if they think they are! In doing this it will be important to tune out the mindless head chatter.We are often our own worst enemy when it comes to squashing our self confidence.
- Acknowledge qualities you would like to improve up.Remember, like in all the "group therapy" meetings we hear about the first step is to acknowledge the problem.
- Once problems areas are identified, seek assistance in resolving them.Don't go at this alone.I think so many people are ashamed to get help that they suffer in silence.I would much rather drop my pride and get help and live a fruitful life than to attempt to fake it.Remember, faking self confidence won't last.If you are anxious about seeking help, do so with someone that doesn't know you personally and ensures your privacy.If you need professional assistance but finances are an issue, many church organizations or organizations on the internet offer assistance for free.
- Celebrate your successes.Yes, we all have them.Focus on your talents and give yourself permission to be proud of yourself.Remember the inferiority quote..."no one makes you feel inferior without your permission"?
- Be thankful and be positive.I've heard it said that a lack of self confidence can be due to a feeling of not having enough of something.Things will come and go in our lives, so who we are cannot be based on what we have materially.Being thankful and recognizing what you do have will help to fight the feeling of insecurity and inadequacy, but try to focus on non-material things such as relationships, health, your humor or wisdom, or your ability to remain calm under crazy circumstances.Also, avoid self-pity.Again I say, remember the quote..."no one makes you feel inferior without your permission"!
- Get a hobby that is enjoyable to you and allows you to express yourself.Things such as music, art, writing, or even volunteering are great examples.It doesn't have to be something you think you will be good at...let it be something that is purely for enjoyment and you'll be amazed at how good at it you actually are!
- Stick w/ your principles.By maintaining an identity that is consistent you will find that people will become more respectful of you...increasing your confidence.When ever you waver back and forth on issues it gives people the sense you are wishy-washy and perhaps not as trustworthy.This can strain relationships making your confidence level decrease.
- Also, it should go without saying but stick up for yourself! I once heard someone say that you have to teach people how to treat you.If you let them put you down...many will.Don't let them decrease your confidence even in a joking manner.
- Smile...even if you don't feel like it.Many of you know that it takes more muscles to frown than to smile so go ahead and smile.Besides, studies have shown that an expression on your face can actually persuade your brain to register that emotion.Think: I am gorgeous! Then look in the mirror and smile.
- Of course everyone's favorite - get plenty of sleep, eat well, exercise regularly, and stop stressing.I put these all together because they seem to end up together in most self-help mantras these days.And as many of you can relate they are easier said then done.Remember the first thing...set attainable goals? That is a must for this action item.
- Try to spend time surrounded by people that lift you up. There is a belief that you become like those you send your time with.If you are constantly hanging around negative people then you are likely to become the same. I was once encouraged to take a cell phone challenge and delete everyone from my phone that was negative or created feelings of negatively in me when we spoke. This is a bit extreme for some of you but has been known to work.Also, know that surrounding yourself with positive people will likely lead to compliments, something many of us aren't comfortable accepting due to low confidence levels. Accept them and don't make excuses as to why their compliment isn't really correct!
- Take action! You would be surprised how powerful this one strategy is. By setting attainable goals and taking baby steps, taking action can be easy. The awesome thing is it tends to have a snowball effect.
Now you are on your way to building your confidence level.Remember it won't happen overnight so be patient with yourself.The good thing is that the more you practice these techniques, the easier it is to maintain the confidence once established.
Chapter 14: Journaling For Personal Growth
One of the best ways to gain clarity about your life is by journaling your thoughts and feelings.
Especially if you're feeling conflicted or confused about certain situations, writing your thoughts out can be incredibly enlightening! You don't have to be a "writer" to journal effectively.
In fact, your writing skills don't have to be good at all.
Just the act of putting your thoughts into logical order and translating them to written form can help you to understand what you're feeling, and why.
Here are some tips to help you use journaling for personal growth:
1) Keep it simple. You don't need to spend a lot of money on a fancy journal.
In fact, unless you're an experienced journaler, I recommend using an inexpensive, lined notebook.
Then you won't feel so much pressure to be "perfect" in what you write.
You won't be afraid to scribble and scrawl whatever happens to flow onto the paper.
2) Don't hold back. When you journal for the purposes of personal growth, don't try to edit yourself, or make your writing understandable to anyone else.
The most freeing technique is to put your pen to paper and just write whatever comes to mind.
No one else will see it unless you want them to, so let 'er rip!
3) Focus on the feelings. If you find yourself stumped about what to write in your journal, begin with the phrase, "I feel...".
This will usually get your thoughts and feelings flowing, and you will be better able to express them in writing.
4) Guided journaling. Another helpful technique is guided journaling, which means providing a prompt for yourself.
Especially if you're struggling with something specific, you can more easily get the words flowing with a nudge in the right direction.
Some example prompts would be, "Describe your perfect career and the reasons it would fulfill you." Or, "Think about the most painful experience in your past and write about the ways it has affected who you are today."
5) Review your entries periodically. Going back to look at your journal entries can be very illuminating and provide amazing clarity about yourself.
With time and practice, you will likely begin to see patterns in your thinking, behaviors, and beliefs.
The most important thing is to keep an objective mindset while you look at your entries.
Don't judge or belittle yourself.
Keep the focus on personal growth and development.
Instead of beating yourself up or cringing over your latest rant, ask yourself, "How can I use this knowledge to improve my circumstances now?"
If you're not a natural writer, journaling may seem like a lot of effort at first.
But it is so worth it! Because I am a writer, journaling is something I've always done.
As a child, I kept written diaries that focused more on my day to day experiences.
"Dear Diary, today a cute boy smiled at me and I melted!" In my twenties, I decided I wanted to understand myself better, so I began keeping written journals with a focus on self-discovery.
That practice has paid off in amazing ways over the past decade or so. You can also keep journals for other reasons besides personal growth.
For example, you can begin a gratitude journal to jot down a few things you are thankful for each day, which will help you to feel more positive about your life.
You can keep a spiritual growth journal to record prayers and meditations that were effective for you.
You can keep a dream journal to learn more about the messages your dreams hold.
The possibilities are endless! If you really don't like writing with pen and paper, you can also keep an online journal in the form of a blog.
There are many providers that offer free membership accounts, with easy-to-use interfaces.
However, if you keep an online journal, you might want to make it private so no one else can view it.
It's amazing what search engines can find nowadays, and you don't want your neighbor or employer coming across your private thoughts.
Most blog hosts allow an option to keep your blog non-viewable to the public.
Or you can simply stay anonymous with your blog, but allow others to read it.
Use a pseudonym and don't give any identifiable information about yourself. Finally, don't feel that you have to follow any set rules with your journaling.
Do what works best for you, and enjoy the journey!
Chapter 15: Manifesting Goals And Inner Potential
We all have an inherent need to grow, evolve and manifest ever greater realities.This is basic to our happiness and feelings of self-acceptance and self-contentment.Happiness can be created in two ways.
a. By manifesting what we want - creating the reality we desire.
b. By learning to be happy with what we have - with our present reality - until we can create an even more positive reality.
We effectively manifest our goals with these 8 steps.
1. Clarify goals
2. Set Intention (consciously and subconsciously)
3. Determine Actions and "sacrifices of love"
4. Remove inner obstacles
5. Employ efforts and program
6. Perseverance
7. Patience
8. Detachment from result
1. Determining and clarifying our goals
a. We start by making a list of our goals. What we would like to accomplish in the near and far future - before we leave these bodies?
We might be talking about any goals on any level. Some examples might be:
Health
Lose weight
A harmonious love relationship
Financial security
Abundance on all levels
Professional advancement
Professional satisfaction
Greater effectiveness in dealing with clients
Better relationship with time.
Able to be more assertive with others
Greater Athletic achievement
Greater success with the opposite sex
Dietary discipline
Increased creative ability
Learn to dance (paint, write, act etc.)
Learn a musical instrument
Learn a language
Public speaking ability
To be able to be totally honest with self and others
To be able to be myself in all (specific) situations
Better grades at school
Learn to fly a plane
Travel around the world (or to a specific place)
More effective communication with _______
Be able to Love ____ as he/she is
Overcome the pain of the loss of a loved one.
Overcome attachments and or fears.
Greater Concentration
Better Memory
Emotional maturity
Greater Self-acceptance
Greater Self-confidence
Mental development
Thought-free meditation
Happiness in all situations
Inner Peace regardless of external events
Selfless Love for all
Moral contentment
And many other possibilities
Please take time to choose a goal of your own or inner potential that you want to manifest.
Some of my present goals (inner potentials that I would like to manifest) are:
1. _________
2. _________
3. _________
4. _________
The first goal I would like to work on is:
b. Then we will want to understand why we want to manifest these goals or inner potentials.This helps us clarify why this goal is important.
1. What do we believe we will get or feel when we succeed? (What is the need behind the need?) (Happiness, satisfaction, self-worth, acceptance, recognition, peace, security, money, freedom, satisfy parents) Why do we want, need or desire to do this?
When I have manifested this goal (inner potential) I (believe I) will now have:
c. Greater financial security
d. Higher self-worth
e. More acceptance/recognition from others
f. Greater freedom
g. Satisfaction
h. Inner peace
i. Long term Happiness
j. Greater Self-actualization
k. Moral satisfaction
l. Inner fulfillment
m. My parents' recognition
The most important of the above for me are:
Sometimes the goal may not be ours - but for our parents or for society - spouse.
2.Is this goal for me or for others? Is it a childhood programming?
3.Is this goal worth pursuing - as a process - even if the results are not what I imagine or would like? Is this ideal important enough for me to make the effort - not matter what happens?
4.Is this goal moving towards something or running away from something?
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2.Set Intention (consciously and subconsciously)
Intention and Concentration on our goals means that we focus on them clearly and intensely (Without anxiety but with confidence that we will manifest them) and direct our energy, time, money and intelligence towards them.
a.Daily positive visualization of ourselves having already achieved the goal will direct our energies in that direction. b.We can use our goal as a frame of reference in order to make decisions as to how to spend our time, money and energy.Every time we need to make a decision, we ask, will this enhance or inhibit my progress.
3.Determine Actions and "Sacrifices of Love"
Determine the actions needed to take to move towards goal:
a.Actions we need to take - efforts we will make.
b.What we will need to sacrifice with love.
a.What actions will I need to take in order to achieve this goal or manifest this inner potential?
Consider:
1.Study
2.Take courses
3.Develop discipline
4.Communicate with ____
5.Come into contact with people or situations that I would prefer not to.
6.Make an effort
7.Work hard
8.Wake up early
9.Work extra hours
10.Overcome fears
11.Overcome attachments
12.Travel
13.Forgive
14.Be honest with self and others
15.Confront ______
16.Learn new concepts and techniques
17.Give much time
18.Exercise daily
19.Admit faults - mistakes
b.What might I have to sacrifice with love? (Have less of in order to have the time, money and energy to manifest this goal?
Consider:
1.Less food
2.Less time for recreation, TV.
3.Less rest or sleep
4.Less of some specific activity _____
5.Less money for other needs.
6.Less social life
7.Giving up cigarettes, alcohol - other pleasures
4.Remove inner obstacles
Our abilities, power, virtues, qualities.talents and inner potentials are all natural inner qualities waiting for manifestation.They are not so much developed as they are revealed from within.
An analogy would be an inner lake full of various qualities and abilities that are all ready to flow outward and manifest in our daily lives.But there are certain obstacles that prevent this flow.Our job is to remove these obstacles so that the innate wisdom and power can freely flow.
We then identify the following categories of obstructing emotions that can be removed with Energy Psychology or any other means.
a.Feelings about not having yet succeeded.We might feel guilt, shame, disappointment, disillusionment, self-rejection or anger at ourselves or others who might be responsible.Perhaps we feel that it is not worth trying any more.Such feelings can cause so much energy to be lost in negativity that not enough actually moves towards making the necessary changes.
b.Feelings we have about making the effort.
1.What do we need to do? (Exercising, studying, traveling, speaking to others, classes, seminars, exerting self - as mentioned above).We might feel suppressed, fear that the effort will be too tiring, or that we will loose our freedom or that we might fail.
2.What might need to give up, (food, freedom, cigarettes, drinking, rest, vacations, time with friends, Television, sleeping late) We might fear feeling suppressed, unhappy, losing our freedom, tense etc.
c.Feelings about succeeding - We may feel that we are not worthy of such success, or that when we actually do achieve that goal, we will have to give up something else important to us.
We might fear that:
a.I do not deserve to have it or fulfil this goal
b.I cannot have or manifest this goal.
c.I am in some type of danger if I fulfill this goal.
d.I am not capable of fulfilling this goal.
e.Others do not want me to have or fulfill it.I do not want to hurt them or come into conflict with them.
f.I will lose others' love if I succeed or fulfill this goal.
g.I will not be a spiritual person if I have this or fulfill this goal.
h.I will feel guilty if I have this or fulfill this goal.
i.I will harm others if I fulfill this goal.
j.I am guilty and not worthy and I should not have or fulfill this goal.
k.Since I have not been able to have it until now, then I will not be able to fulfill this goal.
l.I will lose my freedom if I fulfill this goal.
m.I might have to sacrifice some source of security in order to fulfill this goal.
n.I might give satisfaction to others - something which I do not want to do.
o.The others might cease feeling guilty about me.
p.I might lose my control over others.
q.My other desires will be unfulfilled if I have or fulfill this goal.
r.The effort to achieve this goal will be painful or unpleasant.
s.I do not have the necessary discipline to manifest this goal.
A technique for discovering obstacles
1.A good way to discover our specific obstacles is to do a relaxation technique and:
a.Think about the fact that we have not yet achieved our goal and discover how we feel about not having done so yet.If we find that we have negative emotions about not having succeeded yet, we will need to employ EFT or other methods in order to be free from them.
b.Then, we imagine ourselves making the effort towards that goal and see how we feel about making that effort.(Do we enjoy it, or do we feel suppressed, fearful or discouraged? Do we feel that it is in vain to make this effort - because we will never succeed?)
If we find we have resistance towards this effort, then we will need to free ourselves from the emotions and beliefs that make the effort itself difficult or unpleasant.
c.Now, we imagine ourselves having succeeded in this effort and see how we feel now that this is not an issue any more.
5.Employ Efforts and Program
Now we consciously direct our energy towards our goal.We willingly, intelligently and lovingly sacrifice other possibly conflicting needs in order to achieve our goals.
6.Perseverance -
We persevere in our efforts towards those goals and towards removing all obstacles.We give our energy daily until we are satisfied with the results.
7.Patience
We are patient for the results to come.This is important so as not to give up.
8.Detachment from result - and from identifying self-worth with result -
We detach ourselves from the results of our efforts and have faith that the result will be whatever is best for our evolutionary process.Sometimes we need to accept not having and experience self-worth, security and happiness without, before the way if free to manifest what we want.Also anxiety about the results often distracts our focus on our best effort.
Chapter 16:Mental Game And Your Burning Desire
Everyone has great ideas, goals, un-started business concepts, dreams and unwritten books inside of them.You have to realize that your mind, skills and talents are not limited natural resources.Don't be denied of your dreams and what you are supposed to accomplish.Remember that you are responsible for fulfilling your dreams.
THERE ARE FOUR TYPES OF PEOPLE
Take a look at those around you and reflect on those who have influenced your life the most.What are they doing to your dreams, your esteem and your potential? They are either being destructive or constructive to your future plans.There are four types of people in this world: the Living Dead, the Dreamers, the Achievers and the Exponentially Successful.We have all met the Living Dead.They tend to suck the energy right out of us.They have given up on life and figure that if they can't be happy, you shouldn't be either.They will often do everything in their power to impede you from achieving your goals.They love to burst your dreams and remind you of all the inherent impossibilities, your past mistakes and why you can't achieve what you are aiming for.They point fingers and seek to pull you down because they see you getting closer and closer to what they wish they had themselves.Many don't tear down your dreams consciously, and they may not even realize why they feel the need to do so.Even in the face of the most intense criticism, you need to have the courage to do the things you know you need to do.
Then there are the Dreamers.Dreamers are full of great ideas.They make many noble attempts at success, but their zeal fizzles before they've solidified that success.They have a plethora of projects perpetually hanging in the midway zone.They tend to say "if only..." and "someday..." and "when such-and-such...." These people go through life stuck in first gear.They're moving, they're plugging along, but it sure is hard on the engine.They turn up the radio so the thrill of the vision drowns out the groan of the struggling machine.
The Achievers have reached a moderate level of success.They are accomplished, they are skillful, but they have not yet forged into the fire.They've climbed the ladder and found a pleasant view, so they've stopped short of the thrilling vistas only a few rungs away.They've found a comfortable spot, so why risk toppling to the bottom now? They're satisfied with the success and accomplishments they've already gained.Living on past success is easy to do.They think, Why rock the boat? It's nice to take a breather, but then that breather often grows more and more into their way of life.Let's just settle for mediocrity, they decide.They refuse to think that there is more to learn.They have made it in their own minds and can't see themselves going to the next level.
The Exponentially Successful are doing what they love.They enjoy life and others enjoy being around them.Life is exciting and they love all that life entails-the challenges and the joys alike.The Exponentially Successful constantly strive to improve themselves.They learn from their mistakes and from the experiences of others.They read, they learn, they risk, and all along the way, they grow, no matter the situation.They are self-confident and well balanced.They have a passion for life.They know who they are, why they are here and where they are going.These are the people who make massive success look easy.Exponential success is where I want to take you.Now is the time; this is your year.
Take a look around you.Are the people in your life pulling you up or pulling you down? Are they constructive toward your future plans or destructive toward your goals, dreams and aspirations? An important trait exponentially successful people possess is their ability to follow their hearts.It does not matter what other people say or do.They know they are on the right track in pursuit of their dreams.Think what would have happened if Abraham Lincoln had listened to his critics, if Thomas Edison had taken to heart everyone who said his inventions were impossible.What if Bill Gates (while going to Harvard) listened to his counselors and stayed in school? What if Mark Victor Hansen and Jack Canfield listened to the over 100 publishers that turned them down for Chicken
Soup for the Soul and hadn't gone on to sell over 100 million copies? I could list volumes of similar stories.Ask anyone you know who is successful and I guarantee you will hear a similar story.
THE MENTAL GAME
As I said earlier, it is important to learn and take clues from others who have gone before you and experienced what you hope to experience.But make sure your study and observation of such individuals is only part of the full plate of information you're trying to absorb.Then step back and view the big picture.It's easy to get swept up in one person's energy and enthusiasm, so you have to be careful that you don't get too excited and follow them mindlessly.Even if duplication of a few successful people's patterns yields good results, doing so is not going to be the same as if you had drawn the best advice from as many sources as possible and cultivated a personalized success pattern of your own.The more tools in your tool belt, the more equipped you will be to propel yourself higher and higher.Only then will you allow yourself to continuously maximize your present success potential while simultaneously expanding your boundaries to even greater heights.When you unearth this pattern, your passion will kick in like never before and you will begin to recognize the taste of true greatness.
If you aren't sure whether or not you have chosen the right direction in your own life, don't panic.We're going to work through that together.As you read this manual, you will become more and more able to determine your focus, your passion and your direction.There are things in this life you are here to accomplish.Everyone has great ideas, goals, un-started business concepts, dreams and unwritten books inside of them. You have to realize that your mind, skills and talents are not limited natural resources. They are not like a computer hard drive or RAM with limited storage potential.They will never run out and are only wasted if you don't use them.If you don't fulfill the mission you're here to fulfill, somebody else will have to do it for you.Don't be denied of your dreams and what you are supposed to accomplish.Remember that you are responsible for fulfilling your dreams.No one else will perform them the way you could have, and no one else's accomplishment of them will give you the joy and satisfaction that could have been yours.Until you hold yourself totally responsible, you don't own your dreams-you are only renting them.
BURNING DESIRE: THE FIRST STEP TOWARD EXPONENTIAL SUCCESS
When you learn to channel your energy and emotions into a burning desire, you are laying the foundation for exponential success.Desire is the first step toward ultimate achievement.Your desire will be so great that even subconsciously you will be giving every ounce that is in you toward accomplishing what you were meant to achieve.There will always be those who scoff and scorn you, calling your dreams "impractical" or "irresponsible," but in all actuality, it is embracing what's closest to your heart that will unleash within you your greatest energy and imagination.And just like striking oil, you will experience a surge of greater productivity than you have ever had in your life.It is desire that will allow you to transform mediocre abilities into mind-boggling success that is maximized to heights above and beyond what you ever thought possible.Another word for desire is conviction.
I like this word because it suggests an emotion that is even deeper within, even more driving.Soul-filled conviction has the power to pull you through every possible challenge and give you the strength to scale the highest peaks.So how do you find this conviction and tap into it? As you hone the skills in this manual and use them diligently in your daily life, your conviction will rise within you and become ever clearer.Right at this very moment, you have within you a power plant burning with potential energy.You have the potential to light a whole city, but you are only burning one bulb or lighting one house.The potential is there, and now is the time to tap into it.
Just as a space shuttle expends the most fuel in creating the momentum to leave the atmosphere and soar into orbit, kicking off a new plan towards exponential success also demands the greatest amount of energy and effort up front.Once the shuttle is in orbit, it expends less energy.Similarly, once you've acquired the Exponential Factor, exponential success will naturally follow and success will be yours.
Chapter 17: Prepare For Success
Nowadays, a person requires confidence to be able to handle all of life's challenges.Without it, you can feel inadequate and unimportant.
If you look around, you will observe that confidence is very important and needed in relationships, careers and parenting.Building confidence is a continuous and long process, starting from the moment you first walked.
Confidence is not something that a person is born with.It comes from within a person's desire for self-improvement, encouragement and belief of other people and accomplishments or achievements.
You might think that there are people who are born with a level of confidence that is enviable.You would be surprised at how hard they have worked to become that confident.
There are effective ways to build confidence.Here are some great tips that you should consider.
1. Find a role model that you could learn from.Having an actual person to look up to would make it easier and realistic for you.Make sure you find out how they became confident and what the factors are, which influenced that person's confidence level.
2. Consider your achievements and accomplishments.They would help build up your confidence faster.
3. Learn to act confidently.If you do this, thinking and feeling confident would soon follow.
4. Being well-prepared is one of the reasons why confident people stay confident.Nothing destroys confidence more effectively than being caught unprepared.
5. Continually work on your skills.You will be surprised at how confident you will feel when you know you possess the right skills and talents.
6. Learn to relax.To build confidence, you should know how to compose your self and relax.Some people believe that by relaxing, you will be able to fell more confident.On the other hand, if you did not relax, you will feel unprepared.
7. Don't set yourself up for disappointments.Building confidence would be easier if you set realistic goals.If you feel confident enough to move forward, make sure you do it slowly.
8. Give yourself a pat on the back everytime you succeed in one of the goals you have set for yourself.By congratulating yourself, you learn about personal limitations and expectations.
Again, building confidence is not something that can be achieved overnight.If you experience some setbacks, you should charge it to experience and always learn from your mistakes.By not being hard on yourself, you will be able to genuinely build your confidence.
Chapter 18: Self Confidence - The Deciding Factor
Ruth was one of my best friends in elementary school.She was not the most talented student, nor the most intelligent.She was not the best student in class.But she had great confidence.She had this special attitude of "I can do it".Later, after graduation, she went on to work for a corporation.I followed her career, when she went up the corporate ladder, and finally landed a very prominent, central position at her company.I saw her take on projects that took major skills, I thought she didn't have.She just attacked each project using this "can do" attitude, and she always found the right resources to either acquire the skills she needed, or found the right people to take on the assignments she could not perform herself.I was amazed at her achievements.
From observing Ruth and many other people around me in my career, I learned a very important lesson: one's confidence determines one's career.A person can be a genius.He can be most qualified for a job.If he doesn't believe that he can do it, he might not even take on the assignment in the first place.If he does take it on, most likely he will not be as successful as he could.
Just a few weeks ago, I had a conversation with Tammy, another friend of mine.She is a very talented psychologist, very respected at her work place and by her superiors.She told me about a position that has become available at her office.I thought that it would be a fabulous opportunity for Tammy, but she said that she is not going to apply for this position, because she doesn't have enough experience, she does not have the skills needed, and it will take at least another 5 years for her to be able to fulfill this position.
Whether Tammy was right or not in her assessment, I think that this incident proves my point: confidence is a deciding factor for how successful one will be.
So how do we make sure our child develops strong confidence in his ability? In my opinion, this is one of the major issues in parenting.All educators need to ponder this and make sure they support confidence.
Here are a few suggestions that can make a huge difference in your child's confidence:
1."You can do it".Say it to your child often.Teach your child to say to himself, when he attempts to conquer a challenging assignment: "I can do it".
It is very noticeable that when working on a Math problem, again, confidence is the deciding factor.A student who doubts his own ability to solve the problem, may not apply himself in trying to solve the problem.He will easily say "I can't do it" or "it's impossible to solve this".A student with strong confidence will try until he finds the solution.
Help your child, by reminding him that he can do it.Teach him to say to himself, "I can do it!".
2.Don't criticize your child when he attempts an activity.Don't correct him.It is so tempting to correct a child, when you see him doing something "wrong".You watch your child coloring, or trying to write, at an early age.He is holding the pen in an awkward position, and your mind is screaming "You hold the pen like this, not like that!".Exercise discipline - don't do it!
Should you let your child hold the pen incorrectly? No, of course not! But let him do his research, his experimentation.Let him try different ways to hold the pen, and find out by himself what is most efficient.If you want, you can take your own pen, and your own paper, and do some writing right next to him.He will watch you, and see how you hold the pen.I am sure that he will try your method, and come to his own conclusion.
My neighbor Chris visited me with his 4 year old son, Nick.In order to keep Nick happy and busy, we gave him some crayons, pencils and paper, so that we could have our own conversation.As Nick was trying to write his name, holding the pencil in a slightly awkward position, writing some letters that had no resemblance to the letters in his name, his father jumped up, yanked the pencil out of his hand, wrote the name down in front of him, and said, "What happened to you! This is wrong, this is how you write your name!" Nick is a very serious child, who attempts everything to the best of his ability.As I looked at him, I noticed the expression on his face.It was very troubled.He laid the pencil down, and refused to try any more.What is the message Chris has given to his son? I think that the thought that went through Nick's head was, "I am not good at this".Ok, I give you 3 guesses: how good is Nick's handwriting now, at age 8? - You guessed it! It is not good.
3.Praise, praise, praise.Take the opportunity to celebrate every achievement, big or small.Praise your child for a good effort to complete an assignment.Praise your child for learning a new skill.Praise your child when he shows interest.Praise your child when he shows drive.Praise your child for anything that you would like to encourage.
Praise has to be sincere, of course.Praise has to be accompanied by enthusiasm.It has to feel good.
Before my son, Eric, was 2 years old, we started taking piano lessons together.I have always wanted to learn to play the piano, but my parents did not make it available to me.So now I saw an opportunity.Our scheduled lessons started with Eric, and when Eric was done I got my lesson.The piano teacher used to praise me lavishly.She told me how talented I am.She told me that adults, when learning to play the piano, usually are much slower than I am, that I am learning so fast, that I have a natural ability.Well - I loved going to these lessons.I enjoyed the lessons.I was very enthusiastic about learning to play the piano.Obviously, if the praise worked so well for me, an adult, wouldn't it work wonders for a child?
4.At the end of the day, when you tuck your child to bed, discuss the day's events with your child.Ask the important question: Tell me about the good things that happened today.Make sure the last thoughts of your child, before he goes to sleep, are the good, positive experiences of the day.Make sure you praise him for something he did today, some achievement.End the day on a positive note.This will also insure that you haven't forgotten to praise your child where praise is due.
5.Write down a few positive affirmations for your child.Good examples for affirmations are: "You are so smart, and getting smarter every day".Or "You are learning more and more every day".Affirmations have to be written in the present tense, in positive format ("I am strong and healthy", instead of "I am not sick").Think of your child's challenges at the time, or if your child had a bad experience, write an affirmation that will negate the negative experience.(Remember - you write it in a positive format).
Repeat the affirmations to your child, 3 times each.2 to 3 affirmations at a time are plenty.If your child cooperates, teach him to say the affirmations to himself.You can do this during the day, and at bed time.Early morning at the time your child wakes up is also a good time for affirmations.It is a good idea to read the affirmations into a recording device, and let your child listen to them at his convenience, or while you are driving, waiting in line, or just resting.
6.Your child learns about the world and about himself from you, and from the community that he is in.Teachers, classmates and friends can also easily affect your child's confidence.It is a good idea to make sure, to the best of your ability, that your child is in a positive environment.
If your child is very young, make sure all others who take care of him are also aware and considerate of your child's confidence.When you choose a day care facility for your child, or a baby sitter, make sure you choose a positive environment.If your child is older and goes to school, it is a good idea to meet your child's teacher early in the school year, and make sure they are positive, gentle and respectful.You can specifically bring up the issue of confidence and ask them to support your child's confidence.It is always good to choose a teacher for your child who is cooperative, a teacher who will work with you for the benefit of your child.
7.Make sure your child knows he can discuss with you any issue that is on his mind.This way, if something negative happens, you will be able to help your child cope with it in a positive way, instead of creating a painful memory that may affect your child for the rest of his life.
Chapter 19: Supercharging Your Affirmations
I'd like to share a simple three-step process that can greatly increase the power and effectiveness of any affirmations you use (whether you've written them yourself or use someone else's).
In the movie "The Secret," Cathy Goodman shares her personal experience in beating breast cancer without chemotherapy or radiation.She says, "I truly believed in my heart, with my strong faith, that I was already healed.Each day I would say, 'Thank you for my healing.' On and on and on I went, 'Thank you for my healing.' I believed in my heart that I was healed.I saw myself as if cancer was never in my body." Cathy's story is astounding to say the least, and her husband, Morris Goodman, has an amazing healing story of his own.
However, I would like to concentrate more on the phrase Cathy used to heal her body of cancer."Thank you for my healing" is such a simple phrase, but it holds tremendous power! There are three key reasons why, and they are the same simple steps you can use to literally supercharge the effectiveness of any affirmation:
1) Gratitude.Giving thanks for something automatically puts us into a state of allowing and receiving.It puts us in a state of non-resistance with the Universe.This is powerful enough when we're giving thanks for something we already have (because it attracts more things to be grateful for), but when we do it with something we want, the power is magnified drastically! Why? Because we are putting our full faith into the belief that what we desire will come to be in the physical realm.A strong belief that something is true will most definitely bring it forth into reality! Notice that Cathy didn't say, "Thank you for the healing that is on the way," or, "Thank you for my upcoming healing," or, "I know I will be healed, thank you." She said simply, "Thank you for my healing," with full faith that she was ALREADY healed.Can you sense the power in that sentiment?
2) Affirming the process.Though Cathy affirmed she was already healed, notice that the language she used puts the emphasis on the process of healing.She didn't say, "I am healed," she used the form of the word that implies a transition in progress: heal-ing.This may seem like a contradiction, but it's the perfect combination of focus to achieve the desired result.
Though we put our full faith into believing our desire has already manifested, choosing words that support the PROCESS of manifestation can be easier for us to believe.Why? Sometimes the jump from our current reality to the new reality we desire can be too big of a leap to make and still be believable.Believing that something is in progress seems like a smaller mental leap than trying to force ourselves to believe it's already a done deal.
To demonstrate this point, consider the difference in feeling you get from these two affirmations:
- I am a perfect size 5.
- My body is becoming slimmer and lighter every day.
If you don't wear a size 5, stating an affirmation that you do is largely ineffective, simply because you know it's not true.With enough forceful repetition you might be able to convince yourself and bring forth such a reality, but you would have to overcome plenty of inner resistance first.
The second affirmation is much more believable, isn't it? It causes feelings of excitement and pleasure because you can visualize your body shrinking in size, clothing becoming baggy, and smaller sizes looming in the near future.The mental state this affirmation activates is perfect for attracting the desired result.
3) Focus ONLY on what you WANT.Finally, the phrase, "thank you for my healing" is powerful because of the absence of something.Notice that cancer isn't mentioned anywhere in this affirmation.Though breast cancer was certainly Cathy's reality at that moment in time, she didn't emphasize or reinforce it.She didn't say, "Thank you for healing my cancer." Because that would have been affirming that cancer existed in the first place! With affirmations, it is crucial to focus ONLY on what you want, not what you DON'T want.Likewise, with the two example affirmations above, notice I didn't mention "losing weight" or "burning fat".Fat doesn't exist in the mind of someone who is thinking slender thoughts.
Can you see how these three simple steps will add power to your affirmations? If you're skeptical, try it yourself and see! Just to get you started, here are some more examples:
"Thank you for my growing abundance."
"Thank you for my considerate and romantic spouse."
"Thank you for my successful business."
"Thank you for healing my eyesight."
"Thank you for returning me to a perfect state of health and vitality."
"Thank you for the happiness and joy I experience every day."
"Thank you for the many blessings I continuously receive."
"Thank you for freeing me, mind body and spirit." (This one is especially good for addictions!)
As you recite your affirmations, allow yourself to really FEEL the immense gratitude your words convey.Conjure up an image in your mind of your desired circumstances already formed and actualized.See yourself in the midst of these new circumstances, shouting your joy and thanksgiving to the Universe.The more you can do this, the more power your affirmations will contain, and the more quickly your chosen outcome will manifest.
Chapter 20:Ten Tips To Boost Confidence
Self-confidence is an important key to success in any walk of life.People with self-confidence are noticed more.They achieve their goals relatively easily.In contrast, people who lack self-confidence often end up being losers.You too need to build your self-confidence if you want to do well in life.Here are ten tips that can help you build that elusive self-confidence:
1.Self-confidence is found in people who have a healthy self-esteem.They know their personal worth, and act accordingly.A good way to improve your personal worth is to make a list of your accomplishments every day.You will be surprised to know how many positive acts you perform every day in life, but which you don't notice.Once you start looking at this list, your self-confidence will boom.
2.Be clear about your goals.If need be, break your goals into smaller, more manageable tasks.Pat yourself every time you achieve a minor goal.It will boost you're a self-confidence, and help you achieve bigger goals.
3.Find a mentor who can help you reach your goal.Most people, who have done well in life, have a mentor who has traveled the same road on which they are traveling today.Meet your mentor regularly, and seek his advice and support as a routine.You will find that you are learning something valuable every day.
4.Socialize with people who are positive and supportive, who like and respect you.Give them the same support and respect that they give you.Avoid people who are negative and critical of you.Such people erode your self-confidence.They make you look at your negative self, and not your positive self.After some time, you get enveloped in their cynical and negative world-view.Nothing can be more damaging than that.Dump such friends as soon as you can.
5.Pay attention to how you look.Take pleasure in wearing good clothes and being well groomed.It makes you feel good.People too look at you differently.Remember that every human being wants to be found in the company of smart, intelligent, successful people.You can soon be a centre of attraction if you radiate a positive, smart look.It can very easily make the difference between success and failure.
6.Don't be afraid of failures.Take them in your stride and move on.Say to yourself that you will succeed the next time.Never make the mistake of allowing your failures to overwhelm you.They will force you into a shell, and destroy your self-confidence.A better way is to shrug your failures as something inconsequential, and take on a new challenge.Of course, you must learn from your mistakes, and be realistic about your abilities.People who try to over-reach often fall down.You should not allow that to happen in the name of self-confidence.
7.Keep yourself fit by exercising regularly and controlling your diet.A fit and healthy person is much more active and achieves more in his career.Physical fitness, like self-confidence, glows on your face.
8.Have a wide range of interests, and take an active interest in what's going on in the world.Meet and talk to a lot of people.Don't focus all your attention only on your work and on your problems.Divert your attention to new interests, and new tasks.This will keep your mind happily occupied, and boost your self-confidence.
9.Take part in activities that you are good at.You may have excelled at things in the past and then given them up due to lack of time.Return to those activities again and see your self-confidence grow.
10.Pick up a new hobby or craft that interests you.It will keep you occupied.It will also increase your self-confidence as you become more skilled in it.
Try to practice these tips as faithfully as you can, and see the difference in your life.
Chapter 21: Tips For Self Help And Personal Growth
Self help and personal growth are aspects that many individuals lack in.For many, getting up every day means going to work, coming home tired enough to fall into bed and to do it all over again the next day.Your days off be laundry, cleaning, cooking and trying to do something meaningful with the kids.While this is the life that many Americans live, it is not a life that is good in quality.And, while that paycheck is a great asset, it is not what is going to provide you with a life to look back on with a smile.Improve your life through self help and personal growth, and you and your family will be better off.
Tips For Improving Your Life Through Personal Growth
* Get A Life! You have heard the saying, now put it to use.While you may think it is necessary to work long hours and get a big fat check, if you ask your children if they would rather have lots of toys or see you more, more than likely they will choose you.Cut back on your demanding job and find time to invest in your family.Their values will improve, your relationship will improve and you will go to bed with a smile on your head.
* Self help means looking hard at you.While it is not easy to do, you'll need to face your faults and find ways to improve them.Find out what you hate or dislike about yourself and then work on improving these aspects.Don't like the way you look? Then change it.Don't like the attitude that you have? Add things into your life that are worth being happy about.
* Time for you.It is also important to spend quality time doing things that you personally enjoy doing.Want to get away for a bit? Then take a walk after dinner and leave your spouse with the kids.A ten minute break from everyone is the time you can use to explore your own self and to learn about who you are and where your life is heading.
When you take the time to learn about yourself and to develop your relationships, your personal growth will allow you to become the person that you want to be.
Chapter 22: We Create Our Own Reality
It's really no secret that we create our own reality with out thoughts.
Everything that we are or have is with us because we've wanted it.
Whether it's conscious or not, we bring things, people, and experiences to our lives with our way of thinking.
Much like the verses in the bible that say "ask and ye shall receive", our life follows the same message: ask, believe and receive.
As with anything that we try to do, we must clear our mind.
We all need to find a place where we can relax and clear our mind.
The difference in going to this place rather than your place to relax is that this place is going to be the place where you let mind think and wander instead of JUST relaxing and letting go of your stress.
It will become a place that you can think of your intentions in life or what you want and how you will get it.
You want to make this place as comfortable and inviting as you can, so add a plant, a small water fountain, candles or whatever brings you peace. Now that you have found a place to clear your mind, you can think about and decide what you want or what gift you want to receive.
It is important to have no other thoughts when you start to decide what you actually want.
It could be a million dollars, a doctorate, to be a famous musician or outstanding athlete, or any number of other things.
So, you should dream big because your psyche will start acting.
That is why people often refer to someone going after a dream as being "psyched out".
I dreamed of teaching and being able to help teenagers so I went after what I wanted with a vengeance, working two jobs and studying hard.
My friends said I was really "psyched out" about my future. When we have dreamed of something we really want, whether it is something we want to accomplish, own or be, we need to be clear with ourselves then we'll start on the correct path.
To excel, we must be specific and ask for what we want.
If I say I want to lose weight, then just saying it is not specific enough.
I should say that I want to be healthy, live longer, eat less, and look better.
Because people have dreams and can clearly think of what they want and ask for it, they must also believe that they will achieve it.
In order to achieve what you want, you'll have a much better chance if you can visualize it.
Many times basketball coaches will tell young people to "visualize" the ball going into the basket in order to score.
It has been proven that imagining something is close to actually doing it.
If your thoughts and feelings are on the same level as what you want, you will raise your emotional bar and expand your imagination.
You have a great chance of being successful. When you realize that you can achieve your dreams by visualizing them, then you should express your gratitude.
Make a list of all the things you are grateful for; and that list will bring more good things to you.
It will allow your unconscious mind to take on what you are capable of doing.
It will open your heart to give gratitude for the beautiful life that you have received.
Gratitude should be an enormous part of your life and should come as natural as breathing. Once you've cleared your mind, decided what you wanted, visualized having it and expressed gratitude for what you have, your request is heard.
The details of how it will happen will then fall into place.
Make sure and stay positive by monitoring your feelings, but let go of trying to control things. Make sure whenever you start to feel down, sad or angry, quickly turn your feelings around so you will surrounded by good, positive vibes.
So, remember to stay positive and do something that helps you feel good.
Read a book, listen to music, walk in nature or anything else that will keep you inspired and feeling positive. Continue to be patient if your dreams do not come true in hours, days or even months.
Just keep believing and sending out positive thoughts and feelings and continue to keep negative thoughts away.
Remember to be grateful and really enjoy your gift when you do receive it.
Surround yourself with the luxury of having the gift and enjoying it.
Make it part of your life, nurture it, and let it grow.
Look for the positive parts and always follow that path.
Your life will be full of smiling, sweetness, happiness, and inspiration.
Enjoy your life and expect it to be good.
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Chapter 23: When Does Your Belief Become The Truth
Ever wondered why some people turn anything they touch into gold; while other people fail even before they attempt something?
Most people would simply call it luck; perhaps saying, "you're just lucky." And if they weren't pleased with the outcome, it's a "bummer." You might hear, "well, try another time and it may work out."
What do these statements tell us? They carry hints into the beliefs behind our thoughts.Obviously, it is presumed that we have no control of the outcome; how else could you explain the word "luck?"
Have you ever heard rich people saying these things? Do you believe managers and CEO's lead their companies by rolling the dice? They would probably be fired immediately if they were discovered to be relying upon luck.
In contrast, what are successful and wealthy people doing? If you look into it, you will find there is only one difference - their beliefs!
Believing that the outcome of what you are doing is dependent on luck will lead to exactly that result.Some things will manifest the way you wanted, and some won't.In the end, you would have the proof that the results of what you do in your life are dependent upon dumb luck.As long as you believe this, it will stay that way.
Can a Simple Belief Create Such a Different Reality in Our Lives?
Yes, it can; and in a very profound way that could be described in modern science as the quantum effect.To understand this, let's look into how a belief works.
What is a Belief?
What does the dictionary tell us about a belief?
1.something believed; an opinion or conviction: a belief that the earth is flat.
2.confidence in the truth or existence of something not immediately susceptible to rigorous proof: a statement unworthy of belief.
3.confidence; faith; trust: a child's belief in his parents.
4.a religious tenet or tenets; religious creed or faith.
There are a few interesting words in these explanations that we will take a closer look at, in order to understand how beliefs work.
* opinion
* truth
* confidence
The description in #2 gives us a good hint."confidence in the truth of existence of something not immediately susceptible to rigorous proof." The word "assumption" comes close.Basically, we assume that something is true, before we have proof.
When Does Something Become the Truth and How Do We Get the Proof?
When you watch TV and you see the news, do you believe it? Here is the interesting part - each person believes it differently.Some believe it all, some believe a part of it, and some believe it only when it comes from the mouth of a "trustworthy" person.
How About The Proof?
How do you prove it is 12 o' clock? You simply look at your watch.If you doubt it, you may look up at your computer, and if you doubt even that, you may call the phone service to get the time.But does this prove to you that it's 12 o' clock? Not at all, you are still believing it!
So it is with our beliefs; they become self-fulfilling prophecies.Take this even further: what happens to your brain when you make up a belief? You assume it is true, without having the proof.
Now we get to the quantum part of it.The moment you generate a belief, your consciousness creates new probabilities in your life.New probabilities lead to new realities.At this point, even if you are not conscious of it, you have opened a new door into a reality that contains the probabilities to manifesting exactly what you believe.
It is like sending out a new radio frequency; you just have to wait until it finds its resonator.The moment the resonator is found it will transform from a possibility into reality, which means your belief just manifested.
It's worthwhile to take a look into the astounding findings made in the last 10 years of quantum physics.It is no longer a field of only "crazy" scientists.In fact, many agree that quantum physics is the ultimate key to understanding how 'our' consciousness works.
How Does This Relate to Dreams?
A dream is nothing more than a belief.Not bigger or greater than any other belief, just different.And to make a dream come true we 'only' have to believe in it.If we want a different outcome in our lives, we need to change our beliefs; we need to replace the old ones with new ones.
We need to remember that beliefs are self-fulfilling prophecies.Meaning that it was us who created that belief in the first place.You cannot change a belief if you do not claim ownership of it.In your life, you may have taken chances on someone else's beliefs.However, you still decided at some point to make it yours.When you reach the point where you see that you have created a belief, it is very easy to change it.Just do it!
It's a shame that we aren't provided with a human operating manual.We are cast into the world with no clue whatsoever.Hopefully, this is changing, and soon we will be able to give our children a handbook on how to successfully master life.And most importantly, to guide and support them in manifesting their dearest dreams.
Chapter 24: Why Its Possible Transforming Limiting Beliefs
If you could change anything in your life right now, what would it be? And why haven't you done it yet? If you're like most of us, the answer lies in your existing beliefs.
We often forget the powerful role our beliefs play in creating what we want.
We can visualize, affirm, set goals, and work hard till the cows come home -- but if we don't believe something is possible, we will resist the formation of it in our lives.
The good news is, once you understand how your beliefs are holding you back, you have full control over changing those limiting beliefs - and your life will change in awesome and spectacular ways!
Let's take a look at what most of us do when we decide we want something.
We first express a desire or set a goal.
I want to lose weight.
I want to make more money.
I want to buy a new car.
Then, we immediately start coming up with reasons why it's not possible.
I don't have time to exercise.
My company isn't giving pay raises this year.
I can't afford a new car.
What if, by changing those limiting beliefs, we could make the impossible become possible?
It's important to understand that to us, our beliefs are FACT.
We have convinced ourselves that those facts are "truth." However, think a moment about all the other "facts" that ended up not being true.
We used to believe the earth was flat.
We used to believe the sun revolved around the earth.
We used to believe that space travel was impossible.
We used to believe that a cancer diagnosis was an automatic death sentence.
Ditto with AIDS.
None of these things are "true" now, are they? Think about some of the truths you have formed about your own life.
Are they really true?
I'm not worthy of a loving relationship.
I'll never have a lot of money.
Rich people are rude.
Money is evil.
I'm not talented, I don't have any marketable skills.
Everything always goes wrong for me.
I have the worst luck of anyone I know.
I can't do that.
I don't have what it takes to be successful.
If you change these "facts" in your own mind, what might happen? You might attract a loving relationship.
You might have a lot more money.
You might recognize your own potential, start experiencing good fortune on a regular basis, and reach the level of success you dream about.
Sounds good, doesn't it? :-) But how? How do we change these truths in our own minds? This is the fun part.
We have to convince ourselves that what we want is POSSIBLE.
Recently I've been playing a little game with myself called, "Why It's Possible." I invite you to play along in your own life, because it is incredibly empowering and it will blast away those limiting beliefs and begin attracting what you desire.
As I described above, most of us will state a desire and then immediately begin telling ourselves why it's not possible.
With my game, "Why It's Possible," we simply add on some new thoughts that help us see why our desire IS possible.
Here's how it works. We state a desire: I want to lose weight.
Limiting beliefs come up: Diets don't work for me, I don't have time to exercise.
We then deliberately begin formulating ideas about "Why It's Possible": I don't have to diet to lose weight, I can just moderate how much I eat.
I can fit more activity into my routine by parking my car farther away or taking the stairs instead of the elevator.
There are plenty of slender, healthy people in this world who don't diet or exercise much! If they can do it, I can do it too. Let's try it with another desire: I want more money.
Limiting beliefs: My company isn't giving pay raises this year.
I don't have the energy to get a second job.
I've got too many bills.
Why It's Possible: Money can come to me in so many ways, it doesn't have to be through my job.
Money can come to me through lottery winnings, inheritance, unexpected bonuses, or I can even start a fun part-time business! Here's the key: YOUR "WHY IT'S POSSIBLE" IDEAS MUST BE BELIEVABLE.
If you don't believe in their validity, your limiting beliefs will NOT be transformed.
That's so important to understand! With some beliefs, it might take time to come up with true, legitimate possibilities that you can honestly believe in. Here's another important key: Reinforcement WILL be necessary.
For smaller beliefs, you might be able to change them quickly and almost effortlessly.
But for the big ones, you might need to keep playing the "Why It's Possible" game over and over. As you keep reinforcing your new beliefs and you begin to believe that they really are possible, more and more doors will begin opening for you.
That's what's been happening in my own life since I began playing this little game.
Not only am I getting more of what I ask for, I'm getting things I didn't ask for.
Everything is beginning to flow so much more smoothly and effortlessly.
It will for you too, if you're willing to believe.
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