2/3 Personal Success and Growth

Chapter 1: 3 Things That Stand In The Way

Most humans spend their entire life in pursuit of happiness, but many never stand a chance of finding true happiness.

So what is the reason that so many people are not happy? What is the secret to happiness? There are actually three important roadblocks to our personal happiness. The first, and most critical, hurdle to finding true happiness is that we do not know ourselves.

The real secret to happiness is knowing what is important to you personally.

The simple truth is that there is not one universal path to happiness because every person is different and has different dreams and needs.

While for one person creating something might be the path to happiness for another person it might be nurturing others.

However, we are too often focused on the wrong goals because we listen to popular culture or other people.

If we spend the time and energy to really concentrate on our dreams, and shut out the distractions, then we can find the key to unlocking our own happiness. Another roadblock in our pursuit of happiness is giving too much power to things that do not matter.

I have a friend who obsesses over having a clean house and making sure her family is clean and neat whenever they leave home.

She gripes about how much time these obsessions take away from her time with her family.

I am the opposite.

While I do wish my house was cleaner I decided when my son was born that when I was old I would not look back and regret having a messy house but that I would regret not spending time with my child.

While cleaning is on my priority list, it always falls below my child and when he is old and gray I am confident he will remember that as well as I do.

Too often we spend a lot of time and energy focused on things that do not matter in the long run.

Letting the dishes sit in the sink one night while you play a game with your child or pursue a hobby you love will contribute more to your happiness than making sure you do those dishes and then missing out on the life you love. The final critical element that blocks true happiness for many people is not giving the things that make us happy enough weight in our life.

Too often we dwell on the things we do not have--the bigger house, the newer car, the better job--rather than what we already have that makes us happy--the significant relationships, the happy home, the rewarding career.

The next time you feel unhappy make a list of all that is going right in your life.

Chances are that list is a lot longer than you thought and simply reviewing it will make you feel better. The pursuit of happiness should be a lifelong journey but the path to finding true happiness can be rewarding and enjoyable if we remember to know ourselves, let go of the things that do not matter, and remember the things that do.

Chapter 2: Achieving True Happiness In Nine Easy Steps

Few movies have had the strength to move me to action.The Pursuit of Happiness is definitely the exception.

Will Smith plays the role of Chris Gardner, a down and out dad who's faced with poverty, homelessness, singleness, and a job that paid ZERO - you heard that correctly ZERO dollars in income.

Faced with these challenges many parents give up their children to orphanages or to relatives.And in some extreme cases, some parents have gone as far as to kill their kids and themselves.Chris Gardner did none of those things.He did something truly amazing despite his circumstances.He persevered.And he fought to improve his life for himself and his son.

Chris Gardner had reason to pursue happiness.He was at rock bottom.If you have not seen the movie yet I won't spoil for you how the movie ended or why he was in that situation.

Though I've never lived on the streets (and I hope I never do) I can relate to portions of the movie because I've seen adversities too.Most of us have.

If YOU are struggling with life's many challenges, or boredom, or sadness, or some other problem blocking your happiness I've put together a list of things you can do right now to start feeling happier.These steps have helped me too.

Here are the steps:

1) Get your hands on things you feel proud to own or have around you.For Chris, his son and those dang machines where the objects he held to.

2) Get active.Read, exercise, watch a good movie (watch The Pursuit of Happyness if you haven't already), paint, swim, or whatever you like to do that is good to do

3) Find a place you enjoy being at, either alone or with friends.This could be your home, the public library, Barnes and Nobles, Starbucks, the beach or your favorite park

4) Find upbuilding people to hang out with and avoid happiness "vampires".

5) Develop skills at something you are really good at (painting, drawing, building, fixing pc's, public speaking, etc)

6) Develop a relationship with God through prayer and reading the Bible.Stay away from weirdoes who claim you need to drink poison and put a plastic bag over your face to be with God in a space ship.Those people are not good for you.

7) Look at adversities as opportunities.I can't recall who said it but the saying is, "when life hands you lemons...make lemonade".

Instead of grumbling how bad things are, look at ways of reframing the bad into something good.I know this sounds easier said than done.Here's one example of how I did it as proof it's possible and I believe you can too.

After I outsourced the production of one of my projects I found out I was going to lose $4,700.I thought my Internet Identity Theft Protection DVD was being produced in the same format as DVD's you buy from the stores.When I found out they were DVD-r's instead of pressed DVD's I was hot.

I knew I couldn't sell these without upsetting a lot of people.Though DVD-r supposedly work in 90% of all DVD players, 10% of players cannot read this newer format.

The problem with statistics is there's no way to control which percentage of users received my DVD's.100% of buyers could be in that 10% failure group.That's a lot of people to anger.So instead of upsetting people, or tossing out the DVD's out of anger myself, I gave the DVD's away.I made lemonade.

I'd like to think the goodwill I received in exchange more than made up for the loss of cash I'd receive had I sold the DVD's.Adversity to opportunity.I'm convinced it's not what happens to us that ultimately controls the quality of our lives.It's how we handle what happens to us that makes the difference.So if life gives you lemons, strive to make lemonade.

8) There's a word in Japanese I like a lot.It's Kaizen.It means continuous incremental improvement of an activity.Another key to finding happiness, is striving to become more successful, better at something.I would add one thing to this...enjoy the process.I've seen people crying and pissed off because they couldn't get some task right.That's not what I mean.

One of my favorite quotes comes from a book few people have ever heard of.The book is, In Pursuit of Success, by Joe B.Hill.Here's the quote:

"Life as a whole and the pursuit of success are supposed to be pleasurable."

So enjoy what you are doing.

9) Develop a "trust me" attitude.Believe that once you set your mind and plans on an objective you will achieve it.That's what Chris Gardner did.He kept asking 'do you trust me' to his son.And then pursued his dream.

Don't get me wrong.I'm not saying think, hope wish, and dream and then good things will magically come to you.If Chris Gardner had adopted that attitude he'd probably still be living in the streets and bathing in public restrooms.

For Chris, happiness was represented by attaining money.He took action.We each need to take action to attain happiness too.Some people claim wishing is enough.It isn't.

As Napoleon Hill said: "Wishing will not bring riches.But desiring riches with a state of mind that becomes an obsession, then PLANNING, definite ways and means to acquire riches, and backing those plans with PERSISTENCE which does not recognize failure, will bring riches." - Think And Grow Rich

Even the Bible agrees with this at Genesis 11:6 when it says of mankind before God scrambled the languages, "And the LORD said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do."

Imagine that...even God acknowledged that mankind, who was 'created a little less than angels' can achieve whatever we imagine to do.That's probably why Hill coined the phrase, "what the mind can conceive the mind can achieve".

Oh, here's one "bonus" tip for achieving happiness: do something nice for someone else.Preferably someone who has no way of repaying you other than saying thank you.If even that.You'll see the truth behind the saying there's more happiness in giving than in receiving. Taking each of the steps above could lead to more happiness in your life.

Chapter 3: Are You Chasing the Elusive Butterfly of Happiness

For many people happiness is an elusive butterfly in the garden of life.Imagine a young child in the garden on a summer day.The child sees a beautiful butterfly flitting from flower to flower.With eyes of wonder the child wants to see it close up, touch it, and hold it in their hands.The child goes towards the flower that the butterfly is resting on, with arms out stretched, only to find as he just gets in reach, the butterfly moves to another flower.Undeterred the child follows the butterfly to the next flower, and then the next, but the butterfly always stays just out of reach.

As adults, happiness can seem just like that butterfly, always just out of reach.It becomes almost an obsession and the words "if only..." become an increasingly large part of our thoughts and vocabulary.If only I had more money I would be happy, if only I was in a great relationship I would be happy, if only I could have a different job..........and the list goes on.Even if we achieve one of our "if only "desires, the happiness we seek is still just out of our reach.The truth of the saying "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" becomes our focus and perception.If this becomes our focus, we find that dissatisfaction and unhappiness increasingly keep growing in our life and experience.

The unhappiness within us can not be completely satisfied by external events or circumstances.To find happiness in life we must first be at peace with ourselves internally.External events and circumstances can bring us happiness in the moment, but they do not have a lasting effect on our inner self.Life experience brings a mixture of good and bad circumstances to everyone.To rely on life's experiences for our source of happiness would mean living life in a constant emotional roller coaster ride.

Happiness comes from within.The inner contentment that survives the roller coaster ride of life has its roots deep within our being.The source of happiness comes from finding and embracing who we are as a person, and living a life of purpose.We need to find peace in every aspect of our life- the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.To discover acceptance, purpose and peace in all of these areas will give a sense of completion in life.If we neglect any one of these areas, we experience a sense of emptiness and feel something is missing.There is not a solid foundation for building happiness within, but we then, typically start to try to fill this incompleteness by looking for outside solutions.That is the point when we can fall into the 'elusive butterfly' syndrome, and experience such frustration.

Is happiness an elusive butterfly for you? Spend some time in quiet reflection.Are you neglecting one of the four important parts of who you are and experiencing a sense of emptiness within? The more you discover, embrace and accept your uniqueness and purpose, the more you will experience the butterfly of happiness alighting on your shoulder.

Chapter 4: Change Your Life In Just 5 Days

Have you ever woken up hating yourself?

Maybe you remembered how you upset or lied to someone you love? Or maybe you didn't do what you promised to do? Or maybe you just feel that you are just plain useless at everything?

Have you ever woken up feeling scared!

Maybe you're scared of going to the office because you have to confront a colleague who dislikes you or maybe you have to fire somebody today.Or you have to present the sales figures (poor) to your boss?

Have you ever woken up wishing?

Wishing that you were better looking or slimmer or younger.Or maybe wishing you could afford to own the kind of home you were in last night or the car you saw in their drive?

Have you ever woken up feeling hate for everybody?

Hating the people who just seem to sail through life getting everything the want: the right job, the right home and the right kids.The people, who always get the best jobs, always have plenty of money and get on great in any social situation.

Have you ever woken up feeling frightened?

Maybe about getting old or sick or that you are losing a relationship.Maybe frightened about how you are going to pay the mortgage or your credit card bills.Or maybe about those sales calls you have to make if you want to keep your job?

Have you ever woken up feeling that the whole world is against you?

No matter how hard you try nobody will help you or allow you to succeed nobody cares about you!

Well let me tell you something, you are not alone.We all at sometime, or other have those feelings.I personally spent years just living and wishing and getting nowhere.

But, then I found something.A System that literally changed my life in 5 days!

It was 5 days of hard work and I had to make some hard choices but after that it became easier and it gets easier with each day that passes

It's a System so simple that anyone can operate it.Using it will give you everything you ever truly wanted be it wealth, health, love or happiness.

It has given me the home I truly wanted the job I truly wanted the car I wanted and the money I wanted.And best of all it has given me a loving wife to share it all.

Here are a few of the things the System has thought me which might help you also.

You could try to stop worrying, about things you can't change and use the time saved to think about things you can change.

You could try to stop reading newspapers and watching the News on TV for a while.Use the time saved to think about your immediate world and your place in it.Remember, the News Media are in the entertainment business and their idea of entertainment is "gloom and doom...Try seeing them as the guy who shuffles along the sidewalk with the billboard saying, "The end is nigh!"

You could try staying away from "losers" the people whose talk is always negative.Who always see the bottle as half empty?

You could try to look at the positive side of everything.Because everything has a positive.It's a hard thing to do but if you try to seriously think about a thing you may find a lot of your "problems" may actually be opportunities.

Try listening to music that gives you a lift.Watch TV or go to movies that make you laugh and feel good.

Try complimenting people.If you like what a person is wearing or the car they're driving or the service they've given you tell them so.I guarantee you'll feel better and they will too.

Look in the mirror and compliment yourself.Think about it.If you are taking notice of these suggestions it means you seriously want to change.

So complement yourself for that reason if nothing else!

You could try having patience with people.Remember they may not be as good or as quick as you at doing things.You could also try having patience with yourself as well.

You could try and find some project you truly believe in and get really involved in it.

You could try and relax more.You will find you can actually do things better the more relaxed you are.

Remember YOU are always in control of your own thoughts and no one, repeat, no one, can do your thinking for you.

These are just a few of the things I have learnt from the System.

As I said, using it has changed my life and has provided me with something that I consider to be priceless.

That is Happiness 99% of the time.I am still working on the other 1%!

Chapter 5: Checklist For Establishing Goals

Goals must be set in advance! Determine your direction accordingly.

When you consider setting goals in your life, you are much like the captain of a ship.You have the vast area of the sea of your life before you.You have the ship of your abilities, potentials and desires to carry you to your destination - your purpose or goal-target.A captain considering a navigational chart knows there are many routes to his destination.It is his prerogative to choose which he will travel, then to plot the course, moving from port to port until his voyage is completed.Just as the captain charts his course to a planned destination, you also determine the direction of your life by the goals you choose.

Goals should be realistic and attainable.

The difficulty of a goal is not a deterring factor as long as the goal is practical.Choose goals that are in the realm of the attainable for YOU.

Goals should be concrete and measurable.

The success of any expedition depends on the knowledge and provision of exact amounts of supplies, miles and method of travel and intermediate destinations along the route.These are definite, measurable substances that can be calculated and achieved while contemplating the over-all magnitude of an extended journey into regions not traveled before.You should actually be able to plan the methods of accomplishment in detail for the goals on your route, aiming toward a definite result.Then, in retrospect, you will be able to say, "This is what I did, this is how I did it."

Goals should be extended to cover a given timetable.

The captain has predetermined his scheduled time of arrival at each port.In planning your goals, schedule a timetable for the completion of each one.This will keep you moving and prevent being "becalmed" by periods of inactivity.A time ­schedule will help you use your time wisely and assure a proper time allotment to each "goal-sectioned" leg of your journey.

Goals should be flexible and changeable.

Whether we are sailing the ocean to a distant city or advancing on the thoroughfare of life, we are not always able to control the environment around us.Unforeseen winds and currents may cause turbulence and heavy seas that oppose our progress.Because our schedule has been temporarily thwarted,we should not give up in defeat and abandon our plans.There are many routes that ultimately arrive at the same objective.If you cannot continue your journey on your present route, choose an alternate one! Flexible goals will enable you to always keep moving toward your goal-target.

Goals should be set in advance.

There is no substitute for planning! The practice of "planning your work and then working your plan" is a proven theorem of action.Many people spend more time planning a vacation than they do planning their lives.Know your goal-target, plan each stage of your journey before you begin and your reward will be continual progress and the satisfaction and elation of achievement.Goals should be committed to the end result without looking back.Farmers know that they cannot "put their hand to the plow and look back" and plow a straight furrow.High wire performers know the only way to successfully complete their hazardous walk on the thin life-line of their profession is to keep their eyes on their destination and not look back.

Whether the path you have chosen to your final goal is as precarious as that of a high wire performer or on the solid ground of a tiller of the soil, the criteria for successfully reaching your destination is to keep your feet moving forward on your mission and never lose sight of that which you are traveling toward.To achieve greatness, do not take your eyes off worthwhile goals.

In the daily currents of life as you move from goal to goal, remember always to practice the 'do's' in life."Don'ts" seem to present themselves in such a way that they are easier to find, and even more so, to practice! By drawing the full measure of meaning out of each positive element in your life you automatically eliminate the negative overpowering of the 'don'ts'.

Chapter 6: Develop Your Self-Esteem

Esteem is a simple word.It is worth and value that we apply to people, places, and situations.We have esteem when a professional puts in an exemplary performance whether it is in sports, acting, or simply doing the right thing.

But the most important place we need to apply esteem is within ourselves.We must maintain our self-esteem in order to place value on ourselves as a worthy individual in the world.

Self-esteem affects every single part of our lives creating a miserable place if it is low and a vibrant up beat place when it is balanced.Elevating esteem so that it is at an empowering level for ourselves could very well be the key to happiness in life.

It is important that when you aim for high self-esteem, it is not at the level of thinking you are "better" or more "superior" to another, but instead it is at a level where you are okay with you, others and the world.

That's also the difference between arrogance and loving yourself.There is nothing wrong with knowing how great you are.In fact it is an important element of self-esteem - self-love.However, when we believe we are better than other people, or more superior, that's just plain arrogance and is best avoided at all costs.

Most people's feelings and thoughts about themselves fluctuate somewhat based on their daily experiences.The grade you get on an exam, how your friends treat you, ups and downs in a romantic relationship-all can have a temporary impact on your wellbeing.This is because people collapse an event and what it means about them.

So if you are in the selling profession you may believe you are an excellent sales person when you sell 8 out of 10 products, but not when you sell 2 out of 10.You are the same person whether you are selling 2 products or 8 products.It is important to separate your behavior and what it "means" about you.Instead of celebrating the fact that you made 8 sales and being misery when you only made 2 sales, celebrate the fact that you are engaged in the art of selling.Enjoy the actions you take, rather than the end result.That way whether you sell 2 or 8 is irrelevant because you will be thinking how great you are for just being out there selling something.

Your own self-esteem, however, is something more fundamental than the normal "ups and downs" associated with situational changes.For people with good basic self-esteem, normal "ups and downs" may lead to temporary fluctuations in how they feel about themselves, but only to a limited extent.In contrast, for people with poor basic self-esteem, these "ups and downs" may make all the difference in the world.

Healthy self-esteem is based on our ability to assess ourselves accurately (know ourselves) and still be able to accept and to value ourselves unconditionally.This means being able to realistically acknowledge our strengths and limitations (which is part of being human) and at the same time accepting ourselves as worthy and worthwhile without conditions or reservations. Raising your self-esteem to levels that will enhance your life and the way you view life is a journey worth embarking on.It can make a tremendous difference in your quality of life.Learning techniques to raise self-esteem can be taught and put into practice in just a few days.However, it will take practice to keep your self-worth at the forefront.

There is a common mis-conception that people with a good level of self-esteem feel great about themselves every day and never have to do any work to keep themselves there, but that is just not true.

No one goes to the gym for a few weeks after 10 years or more of inactivity and expects to be totally fit within weeks.No one would go to the gym for a few weeks and then decide they have gone long enough and don't need to go anymore.No one would go to the gym after years of inactivity, get fit, and then never return again.They will need to return at least 3 or 4 times a week to maintain their fitness levels.

So why then do people think that self-esteem is something that can be acquired in a weekend, or within weeks? Why is it people moan and complain if after a few months of working on their self esteem they are thinking better about themselves but are still slipping back? Why is it that people believe once they have great esteem they can just stop, and it will remain that way forever?

Maybe I will never know the answer to those questions! But what I ask is that you get ready to commit yourself to however long it takes.The time is going to go anyway so why not be productively working on your self-esteem until it is automatically integrated into your very being, and even then accept that sometimes your life will not go to plan, but that does not have to effect what you think about who you are.

Chapter 7: Finding True Happiness

The pursuit of happiness is one of the basic elements of human existence.We want to be happy.So why are so many people unhappy then? Most likely people are not happy because they are missing one of the six keys to happiness.

The most important key to your personal happiness is determining that you will be happy.For many people, their personal happiness is not a priority in their life.Too often, we put the happiness of others before our own.While this may please our children, spouse, or boss, this is not the path to happiness.This dos not mean you should make yourself happy at the expense of others, but you must remember that the reverse should also not be true -- your happiness should not be sacrificed to make others happy.

Once you have determined to make your pursuit of happiness a priority you need to determine just what it is that makes you happy.Spend some time reviewing the happy times in your life.Think about memories that make you smile or activities that make you joyful.Can you find a common element or theme? Then that is one of the keys to finding true happiness for you.

Now that you have identified what makes you happy you need to engage in that activity.Perhaps you need a creative outlet? Join a writing group, take an art class, or learn an instrument.Do you need physical activity? Then find a way to get back into a sport you love or start a new one.All that is necessary is that you find a way to reconnect with this key element.

However true happiness for most of us is not dependent solely on finding that one key.For most of us, we also require special people in our lives to be happy.Perhaps you have lost touch with someone important and can reach out to them? Or perhaps it is simply a time to plan some special time with family.It is important to our own pursuit of happiness to stay connected with those we love.

Another essential to finding true happiness is to give of ourselves as well.Helping others in both small and large ways can help make you happier and more content.You might even be able to find a way to combine giving and engaging in an activity that makes you happy.For example, if you love to make people laugh you could organize a community talent show as a fundraiser for a local charity.

Finally, make a list of all the aspects of your life that do make you happy.So many of us get down because we dwell on the negative, but usually there is something about your life that makes you happy.Make a list of these items so you can have a quick mood enhancer when you feel down.

The pursuit of happiness does not have to be challenging or arduous.Finding true happiness can be as simply as determining, identifying, engaging, connecting, giving and reminding yourself of the 6 keys to personal happiness.

Chapter 8: Home Is The Happiest Place To Live In - 1

"The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family."-Thomas Jefferson.

The world may be a dreary, dreadful, and dangerous place to venture into.There may be cut-throat competition in which survival of the mean, cunning, and bully only is possible.It may not be a place for gentle, honest, and kind person like you.It is full of murderers, criminals, rapists, and swindlers.They are ready to snatch away the loaf of bread from your hand.You need a sanctuary from them.You need a place where there is love and care, understanding and compassion, give and take.You need somebody who could guide and protect you.You need somebody who could be equal partner in your joys and sorrows.You need somebody upon whom you could shower your love and care.You need a home and a family.

Parents sacrifice a lot and endure great hardships in up-bringing their children.They are selfless in their love and can even lay their lives for the protection of their children.A spouse is a life time partner in your days of sunshine and rain.Brothers and sisters are your friends and supporters.Your children are your life time fans who love you unconditionally.The love, care, and support of family is a great happiness.Blessed is the person who has got a family.And who amongst us has not got one? But we take family for granted.We don't recognize it as a great source of happiness.The more happiness you give to your family the more you extract out of it.

You are born into a family and grow up within a family.A family not only provides comfort, enjoyment, and security, but it also gives emotional and spiritual bliss.In fact, one may find so much happiness within family that he or she may not need to search it outside it.The love and care of mother and father, brothers, sisters, sons and daughters, wife or husband sustain us.Though love is one and the same yet the love of each is so different too.A family may extend beyond these immediate relations and may include grand parents, grand children, in-laws, uncles, aunts, nephews, nieces, and other relatives.

Can all the money of the world buy the love and affection of one's parents? Can one be happy without them? How much enjoyment and happiness they add to our life? Similar is the case with brothers and sisters.At a later stage of life husband or wife becomes practically the sole arbiter of our happiness.Man or woman's happiness nearly entirely depends on his or her spouse.At a still later stage sons and daughters become a great source of happiness.Bertrand Russell said, 'I have found the happiness of parenthood greater than any other that I have experienced.' Family relations give happiness, but at the same time to be a relation also gives happiness.It is happiness unlimited to be a son, a brother, a sister, a father, a mother, a husband, and a wife.

When you kiss your child, don't you get a kiss in return?

When you hug your sister, don't you get a hug in return?

When you love your spouse, don't you get love in return?

Be Happy! You have your family which loves you!

BE HAPPY!

Chapter 9: Home Is The Happiest Place To Live In - 2

Motivation is defined as, why people do what they do.Long-term motivation can be difficult when you do not make yourself stick to your goals.Most people make goals, but those who are successful have the discipline and drive to achieve their goals and dreams.

Different things motivate people.Some are driven by internal or intrinsic motivation.Others need extrinsic motivation, or outside forces, to help them stay on track.One easy way to help you achieve your goals is to make a contract with yourself and work hard to stick to it.Sign it, date it and keep track of it.

The first step in making a contract with your self to stay motivated is to make an outline.When you make an outline in your contract, you will list long-term goals, short-term goals, payoffs and benefits, rewards and a detailed action plan.By having everything you need to know about achieving your goals, you will stay motivated.

Before making this outline, take some time and think about what exactly you want to accomplish.Maybe you want to reorganize your home, or maybe you want to try out a new fitness plan.

Perhaps you want to go back to school and finish a degree.Whatever it is, you will need to do some research and understand each step you will need to accomplish.

When you list your long-term goals, you will make a list of the things you want to achieve within one to three years.Try to be very specific so you will know exactly what you are working towards.

If you want to lose thirty pounds, your long-term goals will be to lose the weight through diet and exercise.Your long-term goals will be your final end result that you are working towards.This works for almost any goal and will help you in staying focused and motivated to reach your goals.

Short-term goals will be things that you want to accomplish within weeks or months.If you are working on going back to school, your short-term goals may be to request school applications and catalogs or to talk to a financial aid office about your payment options.

Your short-term goals should be specific and should be something that you can accomplish in a short amount of time.Short-term goals are also important because once you finish one goal; you will feel motivated by knowing you are one step closer in reaching that long-term goal.

Your next step in making a contract with yourself is to list payoffs and benefits of your goals and achievements.While losing weight is a benefit, you will want to list the reason why you want to lose weight.

Maybe the payoff is fitting into a certain size jeans again or looking great for an upcoming reunion.Maybe it is because you want to better your health by losing weight.Again, you should be specific when you set these benefits in your contract because it will help you stay motivated.

Now you can think about rewards.Rewards are important when you are setting goals for yourself.When you think about rewards, think about the fun things that you will accomplish by reaching your goals.

Lose that weight and buy a new dress.Reorganize you house and get a new couch.Whatever you think it the best part about reaching your goals, use that as a reward to help stay motivated.

The last part in setting a contract with your self is to have a specific action plan.An action plan will tell you what steps you need to take to reach your final goal.

It is here that you will list what you need to change, do, or accomplish in a day, a week, a month or a year.This action plan will help keep you motivated to reach your end goal.List your action plan and keep it in mind everyday you are working towards your goal.

When you take the time to make an official contract with yourself, you will stay motivated and ready to reach your goals.It will be easier when you can see your long and short-term goals in writing and know what rewards and benefits are waiting for you along the way.

Your action plan will help you stay on track when you are working hard to accomplish your goals and dreams.

Chapter 10: Personal Development Is A Journey

I´m really excited to be able to share my visions and thoughts about how to attain a better and more abundant life.I have been on this fantastic journey quite a while already - about 20 years by now - and I thought it is about time to share some of my experiences here.Maybe it can be of some help to you.

Personal Development is a journey, an inner journey and you will not get there overnight.But since everybody on this planet is on her own unique journey, one day we will all get there - everyone at her own pace.It is a process going along "your" path which keeps changing depending on your view and perspective of life.The adventure of personal development will be much fun but there will be also times when you rather would like to turn around and go back.

There might be certain habits you are well acquainted with and they leave you and something new comes into place.You might loose your job because your attitude towards yourself has changed and you don´t fit in that job environment anymore.It is very important not to be afraid of changes.At first sight they might look as if they were negative and we are going to suffer but that is only because we cannot see the whole picture.Our view of existence is limited and directly related to our past and present experiences and the way we live.

Personal Development has to do with trust.Trust in yourself, your feelings, trust in existence, in life as such.Nothing never goes wrong, everything has it´s cause and effect, it´s purpose - it is just us who don´t understand.

If you walk the road of Personal Development (PD) you have already realized that your potential is far greater than you once thought.You have certainly had glimpses of a different life, other possibilities and potentials.PD opens up a new world of possible life changing perspectives so that at times it might be difficult to decide which way to go.Realizing the greatness of a human being (yourself) has an immediate impact on how your relate to yourself and your environment.

Issues like damaged self worth or fear of expressing our thoughts and feelings without thinking about the possible consequences will be resolved on your way and for the first time you will taste the utter feeling of personal freedom.The freedom from oneself.But this is like taking the second step before the first.

At first in the beginning everybody who engages herself consciously in personal development has to ask a few questions:

What does my life mean to me? What are my goals? Which dreams are going through my mind? What do I fear the most? What are my habits? Which ones have proved useful and which should I drop? What do I expect of myself? Am I responsible or do I throw responsibility on others? What are the things I enjoy doing the most? At which moments do I feel happiness and joy?....and so forth.

In our everyday lives we are affected by everything around us.Watching TV, reading the newspaper, going out to dinner.Our lives are overwhelmed with media and information and it is hard to find a quiet place or time to listen to the inner voice which is a valuable resource in our personal development journey.

Personal Development is about celebrating your life.It is about learning and education, taking the next step necessary.You are going to realize what a wonderful gift life has given to you and the only responsibility you have is to reach and fulfill all your dreams.True success and happiness comes from within and is living the life you truly desire to live - spiritually, physically, relationally and mentally.Make a commitment today and soon you will have a new passion in your life: Your Personal Development Journey.

Chapter 11: Positive Thinking

You've all heard about positive thinking and how it can help us turn our lives around.You may scoff at it and call it a con but deep down you know it's really the truth.

Why? Let me explain.

If you really think about we all assume were going to wake up tomorrow morning, right? Or if we're going through a stressful time we all know and have used the saying there's light at the end of the tunnel, right? Or when this life is over, you will go on to a better place?

Is this not also positive thinking?

While you mightn't believe some of the hype or teachings of a guru that came seem far fetched or airy fairy but deep down you do feel that there is something there working for you and guiding you in your life.

Norman Vincent Peale wrote in his book the Power of Positive Thinking that positive thinking is synonymous to faith."Positive thinking," as described by Peale could be broken down into a three step process of practicing repeated self-hypnosis, attaining "divine" or God's power to use for oneself, and eliminating and avoiding all negativity in life.

Peale wrote that Positive Thinking was simply how you believed in something, you could make it happen.This power of positive thought is really only the power of faith used in conjunction with your actions.

It also makes use of the Law of Attraction which is the most powerful scientific law ever discovered.What you think about you attract into your life.Thoughts are where your power comes from.But the thing is you have to be in control of them instead of then being in charge of you.

Even professionals and business people use the power of positive thought to develop personal power or gain a competitive edge over the marketplace.Take example Richard Branson and all the many businesses he has.How would you say he thinks everyday "Positive" or "Negative"?

Do you think someone like him just sits in the corner sucking his thumb thinking negatively wondering if his new idea is going to work? Or does he just go for it with a positive attitude?

Now you may think that he because he's successful now he can afford to make mistakes and it won't matter.But how did he and other people get to the top when they started off with nothing?

How?

Because all they had in the beginning was positive thinking to get the momentum going.Nothing, but them and their thoughts.

You may be thinking that all sounds so easy, so why isn't everyone doing it.But the thing is when we're surrounded by TV, movies and other things pumping all the negative things to us.It's easy to take all this is and think the worlds going to hell in a handcart and start thinking negatively.

How can you be more positive today?

Try to constantly fill your mind with positive powerful thoughts.The power of thoughts is a mighty power that is always shaping our life whether you want it to or not.

Negative thoughts just chip away at your self-esteem leaving you feeling vulnerable, powerless, and susceptible to yet more negative thinking and this brings you further and further down.

Remember people always appreciate being around a positive person nobody wants to be around a complainer and a negative thinker.Deep down we know that's not the way we were meant to be.

Chapter 12: Reap Your Own Happiness

One of my favorite expressions is that "you reap what you sow".While I often hear it used negatively by someone who expects some "chickens to come home to roost" I prefer to think of it as something positive.How comforting to think that all our hard work and toil will be rewarded with a crop of something good? How wonderful to think that putting love and care into some project or person will indeed be rewarded.

Of course, while most Americans give lip service to the notion of our right to pursue happiness, all too many people do not really believe it applies to them.Many people simply believe they don't deserve happiness.And even those few who do believe it seem to accept unhappiness as simple bad luck.

Every person does indeed deserve happiness and what is more happiness is contagious.The more happy people there are around then even more people will find happiness.We owe it ourselves to work on our own happiness and we owe it to society as well.Our own happiness will help others and inspire others to find happiness.If we are unhappy then we are likely making others unhappy as well (even if unintentionally) and it is extremely unlikely we are doing much to contribute to the happiness of others.

So how do you become a happy person? You simply reap your own happiness.But how? Take these four simple steps:

Step one -- Ready Yourself For Happiness

You can accomplish this step by first determining that you want to be happy.Part of being happy is wanting to be happy.Once you have committed yourself to the course of finding happiness for yourself then you must rid yourself of the notion that happiness is luck or based on possessions or persons.No thing and no one can make you happy.Happiness comes from within yourself.

Step two -- Envision Yourself As Happy

Every day when you first wake up and at various points during the day spend some time envisioning yourself as a happy person.Picture yourself laughing, smiling, relaxing.Imagine yourself as happy.The more you can fix this image of yourself as happy in your mind then the easier it will be for you to truly become happy.

Step three -- Assume You Will Be Happy

Many people tend to assume that they will spend much of their lives either unhappy or at least not really happy.However we have all seen those people who do seem to be genuinely happy with their lives.They smile frequently, laugh often, and seem to be in good humor most of the time.Yet this is not because they are richer or more successful.Sometimes these people were just born with the good fortune to have an optimistic outlook that life has not yet knocked out of them, but often these people have simply chosen that they will be happy and they recognize that there is always something about their lives that makes them happy.You know this is true of yourself as well.Concentrate on the areas of your life that give you happiness whenever you feel unhappiness seeping in and no matter what assume that you will be, you can be, a happy person.

Step four -- Pursue Your Happiness

Happiness is rarely a wonderful accident of fate.Happiness is rarely found by accident.While you may find happiness in unexpected places you must first open yourself to the possibility of happiness and prepare yourself to accept it when you find it.Some people are so miserable that they step right around happiness when they encounter.Don't let this happen to you.What is more, don't simply sit at home waiting for happiness to come knocking on your door.Go out and live life.Think about what currently makes you happy and spend time in those activities and think about what might make you happy and spend time experimenting.The more time you spend actively living your life then the more likely that you will also lead a happy life.

Remember, you deserve a happy life and you can lead a happy life, but in the end you reap what you sow.If you are sowing happiness in your life then you will reap happiness as well.

Chapter 13: Release Emotional Clutter

5 Steps to Releasing Emotional Clutter

If you imagine that life is a journey we are all on.Some of us have a destination in mind, we have a map and all the equipment and money that we need to get us there.Some of us have no idea where we are going and few resources but we are perfectly content with that, we just want to have an adventure and enjoy the journey.

On our travels we can encounter challenges that slow us down or change our course.Sometimes we let the challenges get us down, they make our journey less enjoyable and sometimes the obstacles stop us altogether, we feel stuck, unable to continue on the journey at all.This is what emotional clutter does to us.

Step One: Identify Your Emotional Clutter Start a list of your gripes, moans, fears, anxieties, complaints anger, anything that springs to mind.Allow as much time as needed on this and keep adding during the week as other things crop up.

The most important thing to remember here is that the purpose of the exercise is to identify not to immerse yourself in negative emotions, to unearth what's there so that we can shine a light onto it.So don't dwell on the negative feelings.If you do get emotional or bogged down, take a breather, go for a walk, a sleep, read, watch tv and come back to the list later on.

It's important to be honest even if you feel a little uncomfortable.When I did my list there were some feelings that I felt very guilty about.

Step 2: How Would You Like to Feel?

Now comes the juicy bit - the bit that starts to unstuck the vile sludge of negativity.Take each one of your moans in turn and write exactly how you would like it to be and why.Get into the feeling place.Even if the things are in the past or you feel you can't do anything about them, it doesn't matter, just identify how you would have liked things to have been.How you would like things to be now.Keep all your language positive, about what you want, not what you don't want.

It's important again to be very honest.What do you really want? It does not matter if it seems to be in the realm of fantasy.

This is your Well, What Do I Want? list.Treasure it.You will be adding to it and using it to build more positivity.

You have taken your first steps on your new journey.

Step 3: What 'Could' You Do Now?

Go back to your Well, What Do I Want? list.Take each item in turn and ask yourself this question:

In order to fully release my negative feelings and embrace the positive intention that's here, what could I do next?

It's important to understand that it doesn't mean that you 'have' to do something it just means that you 'could' do it.It's about opening the possibilities up.About opening the door and shinning the torch in.There is no pressure here, no list of 'must do's'

Some of the things that come up will be practical, others emotional.Here are some examples from my list:

- forgive him

- forgive myself

- get a gardener

- enjoy the chocolate

- write a letter

- ask for some advice

All that you need to make sure is that all the possibilities are ones that would make you feel good or better in some way.

It very likely that by now you will have new impetus and resolve to take positive steps.You may have a strong desire to look forwards rather than back.Go with it and enjoy yourself!

Step 4: Time for Action?

Finding ways that we could declutter our emotions is liberating and makes us feel more positive.Taking positive actions is even more powerful.

Which item on your list could you do first?

Which item on your list could be the easiest to do?

Which item on your list could be the most powerful to do?

Take the steps you need to start making yourself feel better.

Step 5: Releasing Unconscious Emotions

This step encourages us to look at the next level of our emotions: the unconscious.

Are there areas where you feel very stuck and nothing seems to create a shift for you?

Becoming an Observer

By becoming the observer of your own feelings you will come to a greater understanding of yourself and be better able to let things go as negative emotions release their grip on you.

I first came across the notion of being an 'observer' in Thresholds of the Mind by Bill Harris.Bill calls it, Finding the Witness.The idea is that .... "part of you observes what is happening even as it happens.When you observe in this way you feel as if you are standing outside yourself and observing how you're feeling, what you are doing, and how you're interacting with your environment."

You learn incredible amounts about yourself by doing this and after a really short space of time you begin to have a greater understanding of your emotions.This gives you choice.

Become an observer.What do you learn?

One Final Word

There are many professionals that are there to help you release emotional blocks and I would strongly advise that you seek this help if you are struggling on your own.

Psychotherapists

Kineisiologists

Psychologists

Life Coaches

Counsellors

Spiritual Guidance

If you feel you have serious emotional problems start with your GP who will refer you. Above all, enjoy the journey!

Have a wonderful life: emotional, physical and spiritual.

Clear that clutter and enjoy!!!!

Chapter 14: Self Help And Psychology

The self help movement really began with the advent of psychiatry and the first revolutionary ideas of Dr.Sigmund Freud.Although Freud's ideas have been largely supplemented and many of them have been outright replaced, his work concerning the subconscious mind have revolutionized the way we view ourselves and our future.

Psychology really began with Dr.Sigmund Freud and his inner circle of students who later went on to establish the science of psychoanalysis and the technique for raising the unconscious to the conscious level of awareness.This process of clinical psychoanalysis was the first rigorous science of the mind which has since been used as the foundation for many other practices and techniques that have spread throughout the Western world.

Raising consciousness has always been a great value in spiritual traditions and, as a general rule, is far from being something new in history.As far back as 5000 BC, it is largely believed that Hindu sages practices rituals and techniques of mediation to raise their own subconscious minds to a higher level of consciousness and were monumentally successful in many cases.

Even without the very detailed and succinct observations of modern psychiatry, these age old sages were capable of reaching incredible heights of transcendental consciousness all through the use of yoga and meditation.These practices have made a great comeback in recent decades because of the more rigorous discoveries in psychoanalysis which how that increasing your consciousness can actually be proven to bring about greater health and well being among many psychoanalytic patients.

The self help movement has also gotten a giant boost from the discoveries of Sigmund Freud and his greatest student Dr.Carl Jung.Dr.Jung eventually broke away from his teacher and pursued a wider application of Freud's ideas so as to apply the importance of spiritual reality to the discoveries of improving one's level of consciousness.

Freud was widely criticized for placing too much importance on the role of sexuality in our growth as human beings.Dr.Jung saw further than this and recognized that spiritual ideas also play an important role in our development and can be used to raise our consciousness in ways that Freud was never able to see.

Dr.Jungs work involving the collective unconscious and archetypes of the mind have contributed to our understanding of the importance of self help and spiritual growth.In fact, it is widely known that Dr.Jung's clinical practice helped to spark the earliest growth of the twelve step groups today and his specific work with the founders of Alcoholic's Anonymous was the beginning of a movement which has utterly transformed our modern day society and the self help movement.

Psychology has played an integral role in the development of the self help movement and this trend is far from being over.The most modern contributor to this great movement is Dr.David R.Hawkins who has written an even more influential work entitled Power Versus Force which now begins another great wave of contributions to the progress of higher consciousness and spiritual development.

Dr.Hawkins discoveries concerning the science of kinesiology prove that consciousness itself can actually be measured according to the internal reactions of the body.This discovery brings great promise to the world of both psychiatry and spiritual growth because it introduces an actual compass for the spiritual seeker.

Kinesiology may now be used to determine the level of consciousness of thousands of different spiritual techniques, practices, writings, teachers and even places or things which all carry with them a certain field of power that can be researched and understood directly through the reactions they have on the body's internal energy meridians.The implications of this recent discovery are only just beginning to be recognized by thousands of people around the world.

The future is bright for both psychology and self help as many new discoveries are being made each day that will soon transfer the way we view ourselves and the people around us.It will serve you best to be one of the wise people who gets on the self help bandwagon now while the discoveries are just making their greatest effect they will have ever made before.

Chapter 15: Supreme Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is incredibly important.In fact, I think it is so important that I am going to say that again.Self-esteem is incredibly important.Many people have the notion that it is the same as self-confidence; however it is far more than just self-confidence.If we look further into the origins of the word esteem itself, as we look etymologically, it comes from the word aestimate, which literally means 'to put a value on.' As you might guess, this word shares the same root as the word 'estimate.' Therefore, we can see that self-esteem, really does just mean; the value we put on ourselves.

Now then, what are the key components of self-esteem? When someone has high self-esteem, they have a genuine, deep rooted sense of self; they actually like (and often love) themselves; they can and do recognise and be in control of their internal state; and they have a sound sense of purpose, or rather they act and behave with purpose.These are not magical gifts that we were given at birth, oh no.One of the key concepts in many of my self-improvement or change programmes or writings is a presupposition of neuro linguistic programming (NLP) and that is: what others do, you can learn.So that is where I am going to start here, by indicating and illustrating just what it is that people with high self-esteem actually do, I am going to break it down into easily consumable chunks so that you can replicate them and apply them to your own life immediately.

These things, if applied in the correct way, can have an amazing impact on anyone's self-esteem.

Developing Your Own Sense of Self:

Many of the individuals that I have worked with over the years tell me that they lack self-confidence.I hear it so very often.As mentioned previously, self-esteem is the value we place on ourselves whereas self-confidence relates to our actions.Again, if we look at the word 'self-confidence' it means to trust in ourselves, so at its root it implies some kind of challenge or task that is to be undertaken in some way.To be more specific, confidence usually relates to our ability to do something or to have some kind of competency.We are confident in our ability to do something, to behave in a particular way in a particular situation, to take on a particular challenge.

It has been my experience that it is almost impossible to have self-confidence if we do not have self-esteem.

I once worked with a lady who was naturally very gifted in her specialised field and was a legal secretary.Following her initial training and joining a legal firm, she was recognised by the senior partners as being intelligent, conscientious and diligent as well as hard working.She really was an asset to the company and got on very well with her colleagues.At the end of her first year of working for the company, she was offered a more senior position and she was given some additional responsibility along with a slight increase in her salary.

Following three years in this role, the legal team office manager role became available and as she had been as good as running the office anyway, one of the company's senior partners recommended that she apply.The partner felt that she deserved the role and encouraged her to apply.But, the lady in question was rather taken aback by the suggestion; she did not feel qualified or competent enough to take the role on or to even consider applying.She had always managed to successfully find reasons for dismissing praise, she told herself that she simply did not deserve it and that anyone could have done what she did and that there would come a day that one of the partners would realise that she was not that good at her job and she would be shown for what she really was.Therefore she just did not apply.Remarkable.What's more, I know that you know someone just like this.

I encounter so many people like this.So many.People that have this low self-esteem and are not able to generalise from the obvious successful results that they are having, or the acknowledgement they receive.It is almost as if they don't 'hear' the praise that they are given.Because of this, the lady I mentioned earlier lacked the confidence to apply for the promotion; and many people with low self-esteem consistently and continually underachieve in their lives.Most of them spend their entire lifetimes underestimating themselves and feeling that they are not worthy.

So what we are going to do is to explore.Over the years I have investigated those people that do have self-esteem and how they actually think and behave.It is all about that probing question 'How do they do that?"

When I worked at the Independent National newspaper in central London when I was younger, the newspaper had been bought by a new owner and was moving from where the previous owners, the Mirror group were based, in Canary Wharf in Docklands, London, to new premises in a slightly different part of London.A girl called Samantha was the Managing Directors PA and rather than using a proper project manager of some sort, the MD organised the relocation himself with Samantha's help.

She liked being who she was, had done well at school, this was only her second job and she had worked up the secretarial ranks to become the MD's PA.She did not mind being asked to help with anything out of the ordinary or unusual.The day before the office relocation was due to happen, the MD was involved in a car accident and had to take some time off due to being in hospital for a night and then off for a period of recovery.Another director asked Samantha if she would oversee the relocation as she had been so involved in the process.She was very slightly apprehensive but of course agreed with no hesitation: after all, she knew most of the arrangements that had been made, and what's more the MD had a mobile that she could call if she was desperate.

Now I mention this because you can see the differences between the two people in those examples.Not only did Samantha have a more easygoing temperament than the lady mentioned in my first example, she was also far more comfortable with herself and of course that naturally meant that she could take the leap of confidence in herself that was required for her to take on the last minute responsibility.

Both of the women were extremely capable, however, the first mentioned lady had a low sense of self-worth, whereas Samantha believed in herself.So, what about you? I would like you to answer these questions to yourself:

- Can you accept a compliment straight, without verbally or non-verbally deflecting it and without dismissing it or having to qualify it in your mind.

- Are you ever afraid that you may well be 'found out' one day?

- Can you list 5-10 things that you like about yourself without hesitation, just doing it straight away?

- What is your reaction (internally and externally) when you are asked to try something that you have not done before, something new?

- What do you say to yourself inside your mind when you are about to do something that challenges you or that is difficult?

Really take some time and even consider writing down your answers, it is always good to see this kind of information in writing as well as it being in your mind.Then, what do your answers suggest about you and how much you like yourself? Do you think well of yourself? Are you happy being you? Are you critical about yourself and your abilities? I recommend writing these down again because you can then compare and contrast your answers when you have finished following these techniques and strategies.So, lets move on to those strategies and techniques.

The first of the strategies that I want to mention is: Accepting Compliments.

Quite simply, the easiest way to accept a compliment is just by saying "Thank You." Not too difficult is it? Remember a compliment that someone has paid you, however small or minor you may consider it: imagine hearing it in your head again, play it over and over or better still, say it out loud to yourself and then say "Thank You." You may want to experiment with a variety of tones of voice or accents or mannerisms as well as different facial expressions to find some of the ways that resonate the best with you and that seems the most natural.

You need to push your boundaries out here and really do this.Practice this over and over.I would recommend that you practice this in front of a mirror too even if it does feel unusual.Then, on the next occasion that someone gives you a compliment, because there will be some, catch what you do, even if your old response tries to kick in again.Even if it does, notice what you did and just offer a "Thank You" anyway.As you keep on doing this your brain will learn the new response and will begin doing it automatically.

Worrying about being found out:

Hmmm.Ok, ask yourself this question: what exactly is it that I do not want other people to know? Really ask yourself that and answer it thoroughly and precisely.The majority of people just don't want people to think badly of them or their abilities.This kind of worry or fear almost always has to do with what you anticipate happening and not what actually does happen; it tends to be removed from reality.

So now is time for a reality check.These people that often feel unworthy about their capabilities at work or about their attractiveness are underestimating themselves.You should observe the other people at your work or in your life that seem quite contented with themselves and notice that contentment and ability are not related.They are not correlated.At the same time, you only have to take a good look at couples in any public place to notice that beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.It has often helped to ask two very powerful questions here to discover other possible reasons for your unnecessary worries:

- What stops you (feeling good about yourself)?

- What would happen if you did (feel good about yourself)?

Learning to Like You:

Ok, it is time to take out your self-esteem journal or that piece of paper to write on again.As we touched on earlier, I would like you to list anything you can think of that you like about yourself.It might be the dimples in your cheeks when you smile, or the crookedness of your teeth, or the fact that you can spell words really easily, or that you have good morals, or that you are honest.Absolutely anything applies here.Keep on collecting and adding to this list.Now check this list against your logical levels exercise that you did at the very beginning of this programme.Think about your environment, your beliefs and values, your capabilities, your behaviour and identity and think about your characteristics on each level and find more and more things on many differing levels that contribute to your own unique identity.Then keep this list somewhere important to be able to refer to and remind yourself often of its contents.

Doing Different Things:

Lots of us react with fright, fear and anxiety when confronted with new things! Oh, no, a new thing! So if you do respond that way, spell out the worst case scenarios you have in your mind.Really spell them out, write them down if it will help.Sometimes this is enough to make you realise that they are silly fears or maybe they are a bit (or a lot) unlikely.I bet they are.However, if your worst case scenario could happen, think about how it could be managed and overcome.Take it a step further and think about someone you know would overcome it - what exactly would they do? How would they go about it? So, instead of letting that fear harbour itself deep within you as if you were burying it, take it on and find and create a strategy for dealing with it.Much more often than not at least one of these approaches can and will defuse the anxiety.Now, if it doesn't, your intuition and instincts may well be right: so don't do it!

Communicating With You:

The point I want to make here is that if you persist on telling yourself not to make an idiot of yourself in front of others, or remembering how things went wrong the last time, or highlighting to yourself how useless you are, then that internal dialogue voice may well be contributing to your problem.In fact, I know it is!

So instead, begin to think: what would you say to someone else in the same situation if you wanted to encourage them? Work it out and again, write it down.How would you encourage them? Then continue to say those things to yourself.Do this.Say those things to yourself instead of all that other nonsense that you used to persist on saying.Be convincing and sincere; really mean it.Now how does that feel? To have that kind of progressive internal dialogue instead.It can be like a breath of fresh air for your brain, you are nurturing it.Because we engage in it so very much, each time you create some internal dialogue the more supportive you become and this makes a real difference to you self-esteem and your self-confidence.

Self-Esteem Telling Signals:

How can you tell if someone has self-esteem? It is so easy to tell, though not many people actually notice.One of the surest indicators is that people with self-esteem just do not need to prove themselves.By that I mean that they do not need to:

- Boast.

- Put others down.

- Show off.

- Name-drop.

- Hog the limelight.

- Tell you all about themselves and their achievements.

It is often individuals who do these seemingly confident behaviours that have quite low self-esteem.

Earlier this year, I was speaking at a large conference in Las Vegas and over 500 people were there to listen to the team of speakers of which I was one.The main speaker was someone I had heard of and is very well known across the world and so I wanted to speak to them as much as I could and glean some tips or just get to know them.I wanted to do the same with all the speakers and as we were waiting to go on stage, I took some time out to chat with all the speakers and they were all nice and at ease, no-one displaying any signs of anxiety at the prospect of speaking to this large audience.However, I really did notice that the well known speaker asked no questions of any of the others, in fact they did not show any interest in any of the other speakers at all.Which surprised me a little.Instead, the person maintained a relaxed demeanour and outward appearance but focused all the time on them self.It was all one way and self-centred.I suspected that they were not at all comfortable being this well-known speaker at all.I confirmed this later on when that person asked me if I would spend some time with them to help coach them through some things that they wanted to deal with following a later conversation.

People with true, genuine, real, sincere self-esteem, however well known they are, usually display very different characteristics:

- They have a quiet confidence.

- They do not fish for compliments - but they do accept them well: they know what they are worth.

- They may be quite humble.

- They recognise and are often interested in other people and their achievements.

- They may not be bothered about receiving external recognition.

You can read the body language of someone with self-esteem as it usually speaks for them.They are often physically relaxed, upright, calm and measured in movement, they are decisive and without hesitation and they make good eye contact freely and comfortably.

It has been my experience that despite there being so many people out there who display apparent confidence and competence, actually doubt themselves and their own abilities.(hey, you may well be one of them) I know I spent years and years showing off due to a lack of self-esteem.These days I just show off because I am childish and silly.I joke.These people though, may well stand up for others, but fail to stand up for themselves.They may well be sensitive and sympathetic - but not about their own limitations.Bear in mind that when you meet other people, whether they are dominating and outgoing or just quietly efficient, they may both have a serious lack of self-esteem.

As with so many things, as with so many areas that I work within and as we have touched on already, modelling can really help.Stop and think about people you know who have a strong sense of self: how do they behave? How do they seem to think? What is important to them? What do they believe? What tells you that they are genuinely comfortable with themselves? Trust your intuition here and make the most of your observations.Again, note this stuff down.

Imagine that you were someone else that is watching you from the outside.As you look at yourself, how could you begin incorporate what you have learnt from your self valuation and apply them to yourself.Really have a think about that.

Chapter 16: Tend To Your Own Happiness

Many of us wish for more happiness.We want to lead happier, more fulfilling, lives, but the sad truth is that so many of us that wish for more happiness spend much more time tending the happiness of others than we do tending to our own happiness.

Happiness does not simply happen.A person does not suddenly stumble across happiness.Happiness is the result of careful tending and a person who wishes to be happy must tend to their own happiness.

Tending to your happiness does not need to be difficult, complex, or time-consuming.It can be as simple as this four-step formula:

1.Trash your unhappy thoughts and trends

2.Envision yourself happy

3.Needs fulfilled

4.Desires fulfilled

Making yourself a happier person really can be that simple.

Step one is an important one because unhappiness is a self-fulfilling prophecy.Many people are unhappy because they don't believe they deserve to be happy and they lock themselves into patterns of behavior that make them unhappy.You must trash your unhappy thoughts and trends.

Look inside yourself and find out what (and when) you think about things that make you unhappy.Is there a specific time of day that you tend to be more unhappy? Is there a specific task or routine that seems to feed your unhappiness? Is there something that you do or think that contributes to your own unhappiness?

Once you identify the areas of your life that cause you unhappiness you can find ways to confront it and combat it.Sometimes you can make a change to avoid the trouble spot altogether, but when that's not possible find ways to make it less difficult on yourself.Adjust your schedule or your expectations if that will make things better.Recruit help when you can.Just easing off one task or freeing up a few hours can make a huge difference in your attitude.When all else fails and you can't change or share something unpleasant than don't hesitate to give yourself a reward for accomplishing it.Knowing you will be rewarded can sometimes make difficult tasks more palatable.

Step two is key.Some people have been unhappy for so long they have forgotten what happiness looks like and feels like.Envisioning yourself happy can help create the happiness habit.Thinking about your own happiness will also help counterbalance times when you are unhappy or working through unpleasant tasks.Think about difficult times as simply stepping stones to happy times.

Step three cannot be overlooked.If your basic needs for food and sleep are not met then you will not be able to focus on happiness.Obviously it is not impossible for hungry, sleep-deprived people to be happy, but most humans are a lot less likely to be happy in that state.Food and sleep provide fuel for both body and mind and the healthier your body and mind then the better chance you have to achieve happiness.

Step four is the final step to achieving happiness.What do you desire? What do you wish for? What do you dream about? Allow yourself to dream big but don't overlook small wishes and desires.While a two-week cruise might be great just having a weekend at a local resort might really give the rest, relaxation and escape you might need.Or perhaps you'd really like to lose 30 or 50 pounds but finding a way to work in some exercise a few times a week might give you more immediate gratification while eventually accomplishing your long-term goal.

Make a list of your desires, wishes, and dreams -- big and small -- and keep that list some place handy.What can you do this week to achieve a small goal? What can you do this month to take a step toward a big goal? Sometimes you don't even need to accomplish your goals to achieve happiness.Sometimes it is simply enough to know that you are working toward your dreams.Often happiness is found on the path to our dreams.Often happiness is created while we strive to make our wishes come true.

You can make yourself a happier person but you must tend to your happiness.So often we spend more time tending to our outer possessions than we do tending to our inner ones.You can make a few changes to your life to find a better balance and that will help create more personal happiness for you.

Chapter 17: The Ease Of Being In Flow

Have you ever experienced moments when everything seemed to just flow? Moments when you didn't have to struggle or fight or force things to happen? It's as if there were a giant hand holding a magic wand a few paces ahead of you at every step, magically shifting circumstances so that everything goes your way.

As a writer, I'm keenly aware of "the flow." It usually means the difference between my words spilling smoothly and effortlessly onto the page, or each word being wrung stiltedly and painfully from my resistant mind.

The flow seems to happen spontaneously most of the time.We might be working, running errands, doing chores around the house, or even just kicking back and watching television.Whatever we're doing, we realize that we feel good.Calm, relaxed, alert, happy - we are in a state of non-resistance.We're not struggling with errant emotions or frustrated desires.We simply feel in tune with the rhythm of life.

Not only do we feel better, but our experiences seem to be easier, smoother, more enjoyable.People we encounter seem kinder, we end up getting the good parking spaces at shopping malls, money comes to us more easily, our relationships seem more harmonious, and so on.

Though we've probably all experienced this buoyant state of being at one time or another, most of us don't experience it enough.On a regular basis, we deal with setbacks, irritations, frustrations, disruptions, interruptions, and moments of pure exasperation.Worse, once we are "out of flow," it seems incredibly difficult (if not impossible) to get back into the flow.

Well, I'm here to tell you that not only is it possible, it's quite simple once you understand the steps that will bring you back to a harmonious state.Lately I've been exploring these steps in more detail, and I'd like to share some tips to help you get (and stay) in the flow in your own life.

Understand the source - before we move on to the tips, it's important to understand that this "flow" comes from WITHIN YOU.It's not some distant essence that you have to locate and draw from.There are no magic words to recite, and you don't have to rely on anyone else to make your life more harmonious.On the flip side, just like you are responsible for the times when you're in flow, you also need to take responsibility for the times when you're out of flow.Most of us tend to blame our outer circumstances for our lack of balance and peace.While they can certainly encourage us to feel a certain way (frustrated, angry, impatient, etc.), they cannot control our emotions unless we choose to let them.And the source of "flow" -- IS our emotions! That's a crucial point to understand.Feeling in flow, or feeling out of flow, is an indication of whether our emotions are in alignment, or not.

Let go - once you understand that you are the creator of the flow in your life, the first step (and probably the most difficult) is to simply LET GO.Let go of your resistance to certain circumstances, your attachment to specific outcomes in your daily experiences, and your desire to control everything that happens in your life.This is challenging to say the least, especially if you're in the midst of unpleasant circumstances.Still, just for the moment, stop fighting, stop struggling, stop resisting, and just focus on accepting.

Open up - whenever you can, imagine expanding your mind and opening your awareness to your surroundings.Tune in to what you feel and allow yourself to become immersed in the sensations.Don't judge them or try to change them, just experience them.Allow them.Be present in whatever situation you find yourself in.Rather than focusing on the way you want things to be, stay with the way things are right now.Be okay with whatever you're experiencing, instead of trying to swim against the current.

Be joyful - find something positive about your current circumstances and focus on it.Tune in to the better aspects of where you are, and be grateful for them.You can use a gratitude journal to record these things in written form, or just concentrate on them mentally and take a few minutes to appreciate them.

Choose to flow - okay, here's where it gets fun! Rather than focusing on the ways you're NOT in the flow at any moment - choose to GET into the flow.Say aloud, "I am totally in the FLOW right now." Or when you begin to experience challenges, say to yourself, "Okay, I'm going with the flow, I'm not going to resist, I will simply go with the flow." And then do just that.Don't let yourself get frustrated or stressed, simply repeat the letting go step above, and consciously CHOOSE to go with the flow.Imagine that you are a leaf or a twig being carried along on a swiftly moving stream.Relax your muscles, breathe deeply, and simply allow yourself to be carried along.Even better, choose to enjoy the ride.

Like any new technique, this can take time and practice before you experience the full benefits.But the good news is that the more you focus on it and the more you work on staying in the flow, the easier it will get! Before long, it will seem like an automatic process and every day will seem to hold a spontaneous element of flow, no matter where you go and what you do.

Chapter 18: The Most Important Questions You Will Ever Ask

It happens to each of us, sooner or later.

Inevitably, there comes a time when each one of us is left alone in the dark, and each of us must choose his next steps.Perhaps now is that moment for you.Maybe you have reached a turning point in your relationship with your significant other.Perhaps now is the moment that you realize the company and people you THOUGHT you worked for lack the integrity you believed they possessed.

Maybe it is something more personal, such as a medical crises that you, alone, must overcome.Or perhaps it is that sudden realization when you know that all your work, all your effort, is simply NOT going to reap the rewards you had planned.

So, the natural question is "what do I do now?"

When you reach this point, it becomes frightening.The path becomes cloudy and the road unclear.You begin to doubt your own internal beliefs and desires and look to external sources for clarity, guidance and support.We look to others for what is acceptable, desirable and appropriate.And why do we do this?

We do this because each one of us is conditioned from birth to do so.Our combined cultures, as varied as they may be, all have one simple thing in common.All cultures mandate conformity; a shedding of the individual and an acceptance of the mainstream majority.

Now, please do not misinterpret this message.I am not suggesting that conformity is a bad thing.The undeniable fact is simply that conformity is necessary for civilized society to exist.Were it not for the phenomena of conformity, social norms such as the laws of the collective "People" against murder, theft and assault, would not exist.Without such norms, it would be impossible for people to live together and interact in society, because when there are no boundaries, any and all interaction, including violence, is acceptable.So, no, I am NOT suggesting that conformity is bad.

I am, however, suggesting that conformity can become, and is often used as a scapegoat.Because, when you reach a turning point in your life, and you begin to look outward at the external sources for direction, it becomes very easy to ignore your own beliefs in favor of following the direction of the majority.The truth is that cultural and social expectations influence the course of your life choices.We rarely stop to question whether the choices we have made are placing us on the path that we want to take, or are keeping us in line with expectations set by others.

By turning this blind eye, by failing to examine your own beliefs and values, you are let off the hook in a sense.You are not required to think about your own circumstances and the choices that you made which lead to your current circumstances.You do not have to face the fact that you chose to enter into a relationship with your significant other, perhaps while knowing all the while that you eventually would not be able to accept some of his or her behaviors.But you did it anyway, because you told yourself that it was time to settle down; or your parents expected it; or it was what everyone was doing at the time.

You do not have to face the fact that you choose to work for that executive that you KNOW is deceitful and insincere, because you can tell yourself that it is just a job; that the pay is good and it pays the rent.Never mind the fact that each time you see one of the executive's half-truths, it destroys part of your own integrity.

You do not have to deal with the fact that you are now having trouble with heart disease because you ignored your diet and never exercised, because you can tell yourself that you always put your family first, or your job was more important.You do not have to examine the fact that all the work you have done to get that promotion is causing stress in your family life because you can tell yourself "it's all part of the American Dream, right? You work hard, you get promoted, and you make a better life, right?" Never mind that your family is falling apart.

The fact is, your basic beliefs about yourself, and about the world around you, are both the SOURCE OF YOUR PERCIEVED PROBLEMS as well as the source of your perceived joy and fulfillment.

YOUR beliefs and YOUR choices determine how you respond to the reality that YOU have created.You can choose to be a victim of the circumstances that have brought you to this turning point, or you can choose to learn from these experiences and the prior choices you have made.

Only you can choose a different life; a different experience.And only you can know what the right choice is for you.So now that you are at that crossroad, the most important thing to remember is that life is all about choices.When you get to the bottom of all your indecision, all your apprehension, every situation in life is a choice for you to make.You choose how you react to these situations.It is your choice how you live your life.

You knew it would happen.Sooner or later.

You knew, deep down, that you would be right here, facing that decision.That one decision you NEVER dreamed you have to make.That one choice that will be the difference between continuing to live your life in mediocrity and conformity, or living your true purpose for your authentic self.Now that it is here, you are afraid; you are unsure.

Ask yourself, "Is THIS the life I dreamed I would have?" Chances are, it is not.So now, all you need to do is ask yourself "What do I need to do to get there?"

These are the questions you must seek answers to.Instead of asking yourself "What do I do now?" look to "Where to I want to go? Who do I want to become?" Answer those questions; make those choices, and you will create the reality you dreamed you would have.

Chapter 19: The Path to Happiness

Happiness is something that so many people strive for each day and yet many times it eludes them.Often, they feel that happiness can be theirs if only their situations were different.Have you ever felt like that?

So often we get caught up in what I call the "if only's".If only my husband were nicer to me.If only I had a better job.If only the children were grown and out of the house.The list can go on and on.

We can waste so much of our precious time dreaming of the "if only's".So many people fall into this trap and end up miserable most of their lives.

The problem is that they are looking for happiness to come to them somehow.As if it were something that could be possessed.When happiness does happen to come it seems so fleeting that it quickly passes away.

People erroneously think that happiness is just a feeling like some passing fancy.I am here to tell you that happiness is not a feeling, it can be a way of life.Happiness can be yours on a daily basis if you will only follow some basic principles.

First, you must live in the NOW.Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not promised to us so you need to be present in the now.

Secondly, you must control your thinking and the thoughts that pass through your mind.Happiness can be called a state of mind and the way to happiness is bringing your mind into its proper state.

If I live in Texas and I want to be in California I need to change states.In order for me to be in that State I need to make some changes.In this analogy we will decide to take a train.The train must be going in the proper direction and we will arrive at our destination.We must know which train we are on, or we may end up where we don't want to be.

Think of this train as your thoughts.That's right, your train of thought.If you don't want to stay in Texas you have to get on the right train.If you let any train of thought into your mind then you will be taken to and fro and never arrive at the destination you want.

The question then is how do we get on the right train?

The ticket to getting on the right train is called gratitude.Gratitude is an attitude and as we look to all that we have to be thankful for instead of dwelling on what our problems are we will find that we too can be whisked away to the state that we wish to be in.

There is a path to happiness and that path is gratitude.

Chapter 20: We Do Not Want To Face Feelings

Feelings! Feelings! For many people, feelings are not a favorite topic to think about or talk about.There are many reasons people refuse to take a look at their feelings.The top 12 or the dirty dozen are:

1.Feelings Hurt.I recently had a conversation with a friend who some years ago lost her husband, her buddy and best friend.At this point in her life, she would like to have another relationship.However, she knows that she is still grieving the loss of her husband.She talked about a weekend grief seminar that she attended and how much it hurt to bring up the feelings related to her husband's illness and death.Her comment was, "I know that I need to work through some more of those feelings, but it hurts too much!" She is not alone in resisting this.Many people are reluctant to take a look at feelings because it brings the sting of the pain back to their awareness and they feel it all over again.They would rather walk around avoiding these bruises and scars than go through the process to heal them.The only problem with that strategy is that those unresolved feelings are like a brick wall around their life - and that wall is stopping many wonderful experiences.

2.I will get Hurt again.All of us have had bumps and bruises in our life.They don't feel good! We often remember that hurt and protect ourselves from being hurt in the future.Why should we put ourselves in a similar situation, again, because we know we will be bruised one more time? The assumption is that we'll be rejected, embarrassed, or fail again and no matter how miserable and stuck we feel, we're going to avoid that possibility.The fear of being hurt or failing is such a big elephant that we can't walk around it.It stops us cold in our tracks! The panic is so huge we can't take a step to overcome it.However, focusing on the unresolved hurt, instead of healing it stops us from trying something new - a relationship, job, or our lifelong dream - because we are afraid of being hurt again.So, this is a double-edged sword - the fear of being hurt stops us and as a result we stop ourselves from receiving something new in our lives.

3.I want to be Safe.Sometimes we cling to the false belief that past experiences have taught us valuable lessons about being safe.Once hurt - never to be hurt again! I've heard several friends comment that they were no longer looking for a relationship, because it just wasn't worth the emotional turmoil.I had a friend who spent 5 years adding 50 pounds to her body as a means to be safe - the logic was that if she were heavier and unattractive, she would not attract another companion and get hurt again.When she decided to take down the brick wall, the 50 pounds also melted away and a new, healthy relationship emerged.Consider that sometimes Safe is more of a personally imposed prison, instead of a shelter or sanctuary.Safe is not Safe.

4.It has become a Habit to avoid feelings, to stuff them.We are creatures of habit - unconsciously carrying out the same patterns of behavior - just because that is the way we have always done things.We follow the same pattern when we get up in the morning to get ready for work - shower, dress, eat breakfast, etc.This also applies to feelings.It becomes an accepted habit to tell ourselves that it's ok if Joe was rude, Mary forgot my birthday, my boss took credit for my idea, or Bob didn't keep his promise.Any one of these things can generate feelings of anger, hurt, rejection, injustice or distrust.How do we deal with these feelings? Do we say, "Oh, that's all right, I know he didn't really mean to do that?" Do we make excuses for the other person's behavior - while refusing to acknowledge that there's smoke coming out of our ears because we are so upset? Putting a false smile on our face while seething inside is a habit that is detrimental to our health.Pent-up feelings eventually explode or we become ill because we have stuffed them.Take care of yourself, deal with feelings, and live a healthy life.

5.Feelings are Messy and Out-Of-Control.We don't want to wreck our image.Who wants to be seen as a blubbering idiot? That is soooo not cool! For some, showing feelings, particularly sad or painful ones is not acceptable.For some really cool cats, showing any kind of feelings - happy or sad - is not acceptable.Some people go through life in neutral - not being exceptionally happy or very, very sad.They don't allow themselves to experience the extremes either way - but choose to stay the middle course where strong feelings don't exist.It's cleaner that way.Everything stays in place and control, like a super tidy house with everything always perfectly in place.In those houses one often wonders where the stuff of everyday living is hidden.Likewise, with people living in neutral, one wonders whom this person is since there is no expression of feelings to indicate likes, dislikes, joy or sadness, or any other feelings exhibited by humans.There is nothing of the wonderful complexity of a human being to share and enjoy.

6.Feelings are Unexpected.Someone trips our trigger, or pushes our button and our emotions rage.We find our anger flaring, our gut in a knot and a string of expressive words roaring out of our mouth.We find we cannot stop the string of words - they flow like a flood - with such force that we are stunned at the sound of our own voice.We all have trigger points and when the button is pushed we respond as if on automatic pilot.It happens in an instant and the strength of the feeling drives us beyond our usual behavior.There is often a person, a specific situation, or a perceived injustice that serves as the trigger.However, this happens to all of us at one time or another.It is part of being human.

7.Society tells us to be Logical and Reasonable - not emotional.Culture has taught to value science, math, logic and reason.We have not been encouraged to notice and value feelings.Many people feel threatened by feelings strongly expressed.This is true whether it's raging anger with yelling and screaming or pure, glorious happiness - beaming with joy.When observing strong feelings, some people are very uncomfortable and don't know how to respond to these extremes.They often don't know how to express their own feelings - so they are uncomfortable when others express these strong feelings.This aversion to feeling is like being stuck in neutral - feeling little joy, little pain - just huddled in the mundane everydayness of living.In neutral, one loses both the joys and sorrows of living.We are more alive when we feel and express the full range of feelings.Being aware of feelings makes living more intense and sometimes that is the very reason we avoid feelings.We are afraid the magnitude of feeling will overwhelm us.

8.Feelings Interfere With Life - one can't work, concentrate, focus, etc.when feelings are raging.Members of my family recently had some health challenges and in the midst of the illnesses I found my concentration lacking, my interest waning and a general inability to function.When one has a concern about the health and well-being of a loved one, the priorities change and what was once important ceases to be of consequence.All that matters is the healing of the family member.This kind of intense feeling is draining, leaving you exhausted and without energy.The ordinary functions of living seem unimportant.In these situations, we can be expected to be pre-occupied and anyone else who has experienced this understands this.

9 We are in a Pity Party.Feeling sorry for oneself has many benefits.It keeps you from really looking at those feelings and doing something about them.Very possibly, it can bring lots of attention from others, who are sincerely interested in helping you to get off the party wheel.For what happens in a pity party is that you don't want to stop the wheel.It is too much fun to go round and round, wallowing in the muck of feelings and maybe blaming someone or something else for the situation.I know this game and have played it - sometimes for long periods of time and sometimes I've been strong enough to kick myself in the rear and boot myself out of it.This party is actually not much fun, pretty depressing, and certainly keeps one stuck in the mud.We're so focused on feeling sorry for ourselves that we can't see any options to making the situation better or any way of moving ourselves forward.We are very busy keeping the party alive.However, this is a destructive party and I encourage all to end it.

10.There is a Benefit or Payoff to keeping feelings intact.When we hang onto negative feelings, there is some benefit or payoff that we are getting from doing that.The question is "What is the benefit?" Sometimes being hurt gets the attention of giving people, whereas if we are happy we don't get as much sympathy.Even better, people do things for us they wouldn't do if we were happy.Also, if we believe we don't have the ability to get that degree or a better job, then it keeps us from putting ourselves at risk of failing.We proved we didn't fail, but we also proved that we were too afraid to risk winning.The payoff - it keeps us exactly where we are in comfortable safe territory where we never have to stretch and grow.This lack of decision could be a life-threatening payoff.It could keep us in situations in which we feel no excitement, fulfillment or meaning in our lives.How many times have you seen people who are like the living dead? They are walking through life without living.There is always a payoff for not facing feelings.Feeding the payoff is a fear that is bigger and more powerful than taking steps for positive change.

11.We don't understand the Benefits Of Healing feelings.Anger, rejection, or any other hurtful feelings are rocks that we are dragging through life.Sometimes if we've carried the bruise for a long time, they become boulders that literally stop us from moving forward at all.We shut down our heart, make wimpy decisions, fail to take action, and limit our choices and options.They stop us from fully living our lives.We put on hold our potential for a loving, fulfilling, happy life.Trust me, there are great benefits in healing.

12.We see no Hope of ever healing feelings.If we think we cannot heal them, we will probably not even try.If we believe the hurtful ones are an inevitable part of our life and cannot be changed, that will be our reality.Let's be real - life will bring pain and it will bring joy.We can take the feelings from these experiences and use them to grow or we can use them to stop ourselves.Feel it to heal it! Don't drag feelings up from the deep only to let them float in top of the water and sink your boat.Allow them to surface, notice them with the intent to heal them, and process them until they heal.The process outlined in I.M.Heart works.I've lived it.I am in process.Is it always easy, painless, and quick? No, it is a process - just as life is a process - but the benefits of staying the course are great.

Chapter 21: What Really Makes You Tick

Self-improvement: improvement of one's condition through one's own efforts.

I often see myself as somewhat contented with my life the way things are, but of course it's hard to think of anything else when there are real issues to be discussed.

Still I aspire for something deeper and more meaningful.

So we're all pelted with problems.Honestly it shouldn't even bother or even hinder us to becoming all we ought to be.Aspirations as kids should continue to live within us, even though it would be short-lived or as long as we could hold on to the dream.They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks...or can they?

1.What do I really want?

The question of the ages.So many things you want to do with your life and so little time to even go about during the day.

Find something that you are good at can help realize that small step towards improvement.Diligence is the key to know that it is worth it.

2.Should I really change?

Today's generation has taken another level of redefining 'self', or at least that's what the kids are saying.There are far worse things that they could have had than acne or maybe even promiscuity.So how does that fit into your lifestyle?

If history has taught us one thing, it's the life that we have gone through.Try to see if partying Seventies style wouldn't appeal to the younger generation, but dancing is part of partying.Watch them applaud after showing them how to really dance than break their bones in break-dancing.

3.What's the bright side in all of this?

With so much is happening around us there seem to be no room for even considering that light at the end of the tunnel.We can still see it as something positive without undergoing so much scrutiny.And if it's a train at the end of the tunnel, take it for a ride and see what makes the world go round!

4.Am I comfortable with what I'm doing?

There's always the easy way and the right way when it comes to deciding what goes with which shoes, or purse, shirt and whatnot.It doesn't take a genius to see yourself as someone unique, or else we'll all be equally the same in everything we do.Variety brings in very interesting and exciting questions to be experimented.

5.Have I done enough for myself?

Have you, or is there something more you want to do? Discontentment in every aspect can be dangerous in large doses, but in small amounts you'll be able to see and do stuff you could never imagine doing.

6.Am I happy at where I am today?

It's an unfair question so let it be an answer! You love being a good and loving mom or dad to your kids, then take it up a notch! Your kids will love you forever.The same goes with everyday life! Do you earn enough money? Hate your job? Wanna start your own business?

7.Am I appealing to the opposite sex?

So maybe I don't have an answer to that, but that doesn't mean I can't try it, though.Whether you shape-up, change the way you wear your clothes or hair, or even your attitude towards people, you should always remember it will always be for your own benefit.

8.How much could I have?

I suppose in this case there is no such things on having things too much or too little, but it's more on how badly you really need it.I'd like to have lots of money, no denying that, but the question is that how much are you willing to work for it?

9.What motivates me?

What motivates you? It's an answer you have to find out for yourself.There are so many things that can make everyone happy, but to choose one of the may be the hardest part.It's not like you can't have one serving of your favorite food in a buffet and that's it.Just try it piece by piece.

10.What Really Makes You Tick?

So? What really makes you tick? You can be just about anything you always wanted to be, but to realize that attaining something that may seem very difficult is already giving up before you even start that journey.Always remember, that self-improvement is not just about the physical or philosophical change you have to undergo, but it's something that you really want.

So there we have it.10 simple questions to ask yourself.Do you want to improve? I do not have all the answers for you.You can only answer for yourself.

Someone once asked me :'Daryl, why you working so damn hard? Would earning more money make you happy?'

To that I answered :'I am not working hard at all.Not as hard as I should, but u enjoyed it.I enjoy the process and the rewards I get.Earning more money does make me happier.It pays for the bills, the nice ring I could get my wife and the vacation I deserve.'

Materialistic that reply may seem, but the little materialistic goals in my life gets me moving off my fat behind and seek ways to improve my life.

Self-improvement: improvement of one's condition through one's own efforts

Chapter 22: Which Direction Should You Take

What's the purpose of life and how to I get there? Those are two of the most asked questions on this planet.Have you ever asked yourself something similar to that?

You have something very unique in your life to accomplish, which is very great.Of course, the question that comes after that is, 'What is it then?' But that is just about as far as most people will ever go.You may ask yourself this question, think about for a few minutes, come up with no answers, and then just go on with your daily routine.

If you ever want to accomplish your purpose you have to go beyond the 'What is it' question.How do you do that?

You first have to realize that you won't have all the answers in the beginning.If you are waiting for a bolt of lightning to your hit you and reveal to you what it is your supposed to do in life, it will never happen that way.

The first thing you need to determine is what you are passionate about.What gets you so excited that you can hardly contain yourself when you think about it? Or what cause makes your blood boil when you hear people talk about it? Most likely this is the starting point of your greatness.

Why do I say the starting point? Because once you finally have an idea about what you want to do you must then ask, "in what direction do I go?" and "how do I start?" Believe it or not, those questions don't matter as much as you may think they do.

The second thing you need to do is to simply begin pursuing your passion.Don't let the question of 'What direction do I go or how do I start' stop you from actually starting.Most likely, there is some type of organization, group, or online presence that is doing something very similar to what you have a passion to do.Get involved with these people.They have probably already laid much of the groundwork in developing what you are passionate about.You can then jump right in and start helping them.

By being around these people you will begin to develop and fine-tune exactly what your purpose is.As a matter of fact, your initial purpose for getting involved may change somewhat as you begin to develop your greatness.

That's why it is not so important to know everything about what you want to do before you start doing it.It's kind of like this: Imagine you are in Los Angeles and you want to drive to Florida.You aren't real sure where you want to go in Florida but you know Florida is where you need to go.You have two options:

1.You can research, study, ask people, look at maps, and all kinds of things to try and find out the best way to get to Florida.You are not going to leave until you know exactly how to get there, the dangers involved, the speed traps to watch out for, where to best rest stops are...you get my point.The problem with this is that you will never know everything about how to get to Florida.

2.You can just start driving.You may ask one or two people you meet along the way which road to use and then just go.On your journey you will meet people who will help you with the best routes, and they will even tell you of places they went to and experiences they had on their way to Florida.By the time you get there, you will have gained so much knowledge that you now know exactly where you want to go in Florida.

The point is this, you can sit around and wait for the perfect opportunity to fulfill your purpose or you can simply start out on your journey and, along the way, you will discover and fulfill your purpose.

My suggestion is: just start moving!